Grasping The Situation

by Heather Riordan

(Heather and Greg K. are facing each other, seated. Spencer, Ayun, and Betsy are standing behind Heather.)

GREG K. Do you mind if we don't see each other for awhile?

SPENCER. That's fine- I am so busy with my fabulously successful career.

BETSY. Oh, God, you hate me- I knew this would happen- you're trying to get rid of me.

AYUN. You're seeing someone else- I'm going to poke your eyes out with a sharp stick.

GREG K. It's not that I don't like you...

SPENCER. I know that- I'm a confident '90s woman who listens to subliminal affirmation tapes about how much I like myself.

BETSY. You don't like me at all- I can read it all over your face.

AYUN. You don't appreciate me. I'm going to cut your heart out and eat it raw.

GREG K. It's just that I need some time to focus.

SPENCER. I'm not taking this personally- my self-esteem isn't dependent on other people.

BETSY. I'm a distraction in your life and you're trying to get rid of me.

AYUN. You are selfish- you must die.

GREG K. I'm just not sure I'm really ready to be intimate with someone.

SPENCER. I'm so confident about my sexuality I don't even need a partner.

BETSY. Oh, God, you think I'm lousy in bed.

AYUN. You don't appreciate me as a sexual being- I'm going to cut your dick off.

GREG K. So, how're you feeling about all this- are you OK?

HEATHER. Yeah, I just haven't decided what I'm going to do yet.

CURTAIN