GREG K. We need some stage lights here, Razor.
RAZOR. I know, I'm getting it. (Several seconds pass.)
GREG K. Time is of the essence, Razor, let's go!
RAZOR. I said I'm getting it. Relax. (Several seconds pass.)
GREG K. All right, what the fuck is going on up there?!
LISA. Calm down, Greg, she's working on it.
GREG K. You calm down, Lisa, my play is being fucked because we can't seem to light the fucking stage.
GREG A. Maybe we should move on and come back to this play when we've figured out what's wrong with the lights.
GREG K. No! No way, Greg. Not this time. (Turns on a flashlight and directs it toward the booth.) Razor, how are you doing up there?
PHIL. Here, let me see if I can help. (Phil turns on a flashlight and proceeds toward the booth.)
GREG K. Stay where you are! (Phil stops and directs his flashlight toward Greg K. who is revealed holding a gun.)
AYUN. Oh my God, he has a gun!
GREG K. That's right! And unless I get some tech RIGHT NOW there's gonna be trouble!
DAVE. Jesus, Greg, she's working on it. (Greg directs his flashlight towards Dave.)
HEATHER. Yeah, Greg, she's doing the best she can. (Greg directs his flashlight towards Heather.)
GREG A. So why don't you put the gun down. (Greg directs his flashlight towards Greg A. who is revealed holding a gun.)
AYUN. Oh my God, he has a gun too!
LISA. That's right, Greg, just put the gun down and we'll... have a little talk. (Greg directs his flashlight towards Lisa who is revealed holding a gun.)
AYUN. Oh my God, SHE has a gun too!
LISA.Can it, Ayun, so do you.
AYUN. Oh yeah... right... (Ayun turns on her flashlight and directs it toward Greg K.)
PHIL. That's right, Greg. We all have guns now. (Heather turns on her flashlight and directs it toward Greg K.)
HEATHER. So why don't you put the gun down, Greg? (Dave turns on her flashlight and directs it toward Greg K.)
DAVE. Try and cooperate, Greg. You're only making it harder on yourself. (All descend toward stage, lights directed toward Greg K.)
GREG K. (Greg K. collapses) But... but... my play... time is of the essence... oh, Jesus Jesus Jesus.
RAZOR. All right, I got them!!
GREG A. Everyone clear the stage. (Everyone does.) Ready? "No Tech! No Tech!" Go! (Lights up on Greg who is left alone kneeling center stage.)
GREG K.Jesus Jesus Jesus.
CURTAIN