"Your picture of the world often changes just before you get it into focus."
-A.

"...do you ever think about what a lovely place the world would be without
all of the people that make life so unpleasant? All the small, petty people;
all the ugly, annoying people? I try not to think about it. I like to think
about what could be done to those people."
-Boyd Rice

"There is no bored, only boring."
-Rose Marshack

"I woke up with a beautiful pussy between my legs, which is always a great
way to start the day."
-Katherine Oswalt (yes, there was a cat involved, you pervs)

"This is merely a test, brought to you by the DSGSA, the administrative
agents of this list, and the society for the advancement of mind control,
in association with the Bavarian Illuminati. Were this and actual
emergency, this ping would have been followed by a brilliant soliloquy by
a genetically engineered, malformed, cannibalistic albino agent cleverly
placed outside of your home, right before he devoured your house pets, and
started pelting you with olives."
-Rob Havelt

"So let me get this straight, the bent bishop who only moves sideways
stands next to the queen who goes in all directions.... They let children
play this game?"
-A.

"Mortis praesdium et vocem dare necesee est."
"The deceased must be protected and given a voice."
-A.

"You're not the one who let me down, but thanks for offering." 
-Archers of Loaf

"I've been listening to Sarah McLachlan non-stop for the past 144 hours,
and I have become a new woman!"
-Black Widow (or B!a~k W^d+wello), Space Ghost

"When dogma enters the brain, all intellectual activity ceases."
-Robert Anton Wilson

"Well, I am the moderator and list owner. So I guess it would be my job to
prod discussions that don't belong here off the list. I usually do this by
sending robots to the concerned party's house and relentlessly poking them
with a stick until they get the point."
-Rob Havelt

"If you think you or your family will be permanently scarred by reading
the word 'fuck.' then add me and this page to the list of forbidden shit
that 'webnanny' or whatever filters out of your pitiful life."
-Rick Taylor

"It's tragic that the first thing we notice about a person usually matters
the least.  The example would be meeting a person wearing a t-shirt with
the phrase 'I love Marxist theory' stretched across her enormous breasts.
I don't care how much you love breasts -- Marxist theorists are jerks."
-Rob Fairchild

"There are two kinds of paranoia:  Total, and insufficient. I am both,
because if you think you are sufficiently paranoid, you're not...."
-A.

"Men want audio animated screen savers of Cindy Crawford singing 'Let Me
Entertain You,' and every unit should come with manly accessories like a
tire-patch kit, a chain saw, and 'World's Deadliest Sports Mishaps'
videotape."
-Polly Sprenger (tongue firmly in cheek)

"As for jacks, you're listening to someone who prefers a wireless
keyboard, a wireless mouse, a cordless phone, and remotes for everything.
Who needs to be tethered by a cord? They cut mine when I was born; what
about you?"
-Joshua Alexander

"I don't use drugs; my dreams are frightening enough."  
-M. C. Escher

"Why is it that some people feel compelled to drive at 70 mph in the fast
lane? During rush hour? When they could easily go faster? Do they not
understand that the fast lane is, ideally, meant solely for passing? And
not their suburban SUV lane-clogging butts?"
-Steve Cook

"The right to be heard does not automatically include the right to be
taken seriously."
-Herbert Humphrey

"If that's not your thing, and you only like talking about how dark and
spooky that your pet demon is in its bondage wear, while listening to The
Cruxshadows, and nothing but that, and feel that such things are all other
people should talk about, and more importantly are going to BITCH about
people talking about other things - you don't have to be here, see the
section on unsubscribing NOW."
-Rob Havelt (das firegod)

"Time flies when you're naked."
-Joe Nelson

"Sooo... I see we have something in common... I like to look at naked
chicks, too...."
-Bill Lusa

"Just because some of us can read and write and do a little math, that
doesn't mean we deserve to conquer the Universe."
-Kurt Vonnegut

"Why mail somebody when you can kill them just as easily?"
-Lee "Lefty" Burgess

"Hi, I'm Robin Hood! I have an American accent that predates the founding
of the United States by 600 years!"
-Joe Nelson as Kevin Costner

"Gamera, wearing a dark paisley jumper, dancing the Macarena while
slurping down cream cheese and contemplating suicide, all to the tune of
anything by Type O Negative... is about as Gothic as it gets, Bubba."
-Tarik Dozier, 1996

"Man, that... that wasn't even clever." 
-Johnny Bravo

"For the next election, I am going to nominate the first brutally
efficient army of unfeeling robots I find. Unaffected by human emotions
like greed, ambition, prejudice, fear, and lust, it is ironic that only
heartless robots are capable of forming a government which truly cares
about people. Plus, they would probably win the devastating war they must
otherwise wage to seize control of our human government anyway."
-Rob Fairchild

"Ummm... what'd you do with the bodies? I could use a couple, if you got
any leftovers."
-Rick Taylor

"There are some enterprises in which careful disorderliness is the true
method."
-Herman Melville

"Hmmm... the ruptured capillaries in your nose belie the clarity of your
wisdom. As for you, kind sage.... I can only hope my heartfelt thanks are
enough to keep you warm as you spend the next ten years in frozen carbonite!"
-Stewart Gilligan Griffin {Family Guy}

"What if the Hokey Pokey really IS what it's all about?"
-A.

"Gee whiz, gang! Looks like the killer gutted the victim, strangled him
with his own intestines, and then dumped him in the river. You're right,
Scoob, we're dealing with one sick son of a bitch!"
-The Scooby Doo Murder Files {Family Guy}

"Greg, I'm afraid your punishment will be four hours in the snake pit.
Maybe that will give you some time to think about what you've done. And
Jan, I'm afraid you've earned a day in the Chamber of Fire for tattling 
on your brother."
-Mike Brady {Family Guy}

"The hero will never resort to what the villian does, like use guns and
manhole covers."
-Angelynn Smith (Z Dimension)

"Doesn't it say something about modern society when childhood seems to
extend as far as one's 30s?"
-Rick Taylor

"The four great lies of computing: 
   The project is on schedule. 
   I just fixed the last bug.
   I only changed one little thing. 
   This will take just a minute."
-A.

"When not close enough to be killed, the atomic bomb is one of the most 
beautiful sights in the world."
-U.S. Army

"I couldn't understand what was so metaphorical about 'bullshit.'"  
-Tracy Walden

"Wait 'til she tastes my vanilla thunder!"
-Space Ghost

"Black will probably be this year's color.... Generally cotton with
intermittent leather, lace, latex, and velvet."
-Rick Taylor, Chicago Goth fashion advisor

"Technically you shouldn't be able to toss a black hole out your bedroom
window by using a table leg. Interesting... I shall have to take this up
with Stephen Hawking."
-The Brain

"Micro$oft... where every day is the dawn of a new error."
-A.

"Don't let a few 'actives' decide your playlist for you when our
researchers have developed a playlist filled with proven hits that the
majority of people in our demographic recognize and enjoy." 
-some oldies radio program director, on his no-request policy

"Therefore I also should like to take the liberty to present some of my
ideas which, though not necessarily convincing, would, on account of 
their novelty, at least prove somewhat startling."
-Galileo Galilei, _Discorsi e Dimonstrazioni Mathematiche Intorno a Due
 Nuoue Scienze_

"Never trust that little voice in your head that says, 'if I just take a
bunch of Excedrin and some decongestants I'll be okay...' ever ever ever."
-Emily Ryan

"I mean, we're talking about the Apocalypse and the best you can do is
send out a chain letter?"
-Andy Lester

"I haven't yet built a listbot that can walk over to the gothic.net list
bot, beat it up, and steal its lunch money either. I imagine one day I'll
get around to it."
-Rob Havelt

"Don't flatter yourself, sweetie; I've been shot down by chicks ten times
hotter than you! You're not *that* big a deal!" 
-Marcus Battle

"Unfortunately, my time as chick magnet has come and gone, so I read books
now."
-Marcus Battle

"You are a robot, and that is good. Ponder this."
-Rob Havelt (chigoth FAQ v 2.3, section 2.3, "Fnord")

"First, a disclaimer. If you think Trent Reznor is no good because he
actually has sold millions of records, or because Q101 plays them, or
because some idiot kid likes them, then stop right here. Go hide in your
corner and listen to your uber-underground industrial music, and leave me
alone. I have no time for you." 
-Daniel Cain (Terminal Bliss)

"Metropolis Digital was approached to create a test piece demonstrating
how Ghost Rider might appear in motion.  Using (then currently) beta-stage
software, Metropolis created a visualisation for a potential client. In
the piece a leather-jacketed actor swings around towards the camera with
murderous intent in his eyes.  Obviously we then removed his head. And
added on a burning skull. Laughing manically."
-GOAT (Gurus Of Abstract Techniques)

"I told you never to call me 'Renee' when I'm trying to intimidate the
white man."
-Renee "Dick Marsalis" {Action}

"When you're living Thug Life in Steubenville, Ohio, you can't exactly be
picky about who you jack."
-Joe Nelson

"Cheer up, Reznor! I'm coming after you. And I'm going to be armed with
twelve fuzzy kittens and a gilded basket of Capri Sun fruit drinks!"
-Space Ghost

"Hot guys.  Hot girls.  Vampires.  And raw fish.  How can you possibly go
wrong?"
-mugwumpj

"Do you think if The Gap's next campaign is 'everyone in velvet' with all
the little models singing Bauhaus' 'All We Ever Wanted," a lot of people
will start throwing themselves into oncoming traffic? Hmmmm.... I think
I'll go pitch that one right now."
-Sarah Quarrie

"It also desensitizes you to really hot 3-D graphics."
"...which is the biggest tragedy of the whole thing."
-Josh Davidson and Rob Ratayczak (discussing Quake 3)

"Always be on time. Make believe you're an Italian train under Mussolini's
regime.  When the revolution comes, you can play kickball with my head."  
-Lee "Duke" Pembleton, Systems Integration Coordinator, onShore, Inc.

"Everything is subjective, especially fuckheads trying to dictate list
content."
-Rob Havelt

"The old dreams were good ones. They didn't work, but I'm glad I had them."
-A.

"I could live in the world of white picket fences, SUVs, CK cologne,
Britney Spears, tiny little towns filled with tiny little minds, but ya
know what... I wouldn't be fucking happy. Goth is my refuge, it's a place
where I go where I can be who I am without people telling me there is
something WRONG with me."
-John VerBurg

"I'm buying myself the 128 bit DreamCast baybee! Yeah! Feel the power!
Absolute masterdom of the industry!! No, I don't know what games they'll
have, but who cares what games there are when the system's THAT fast??"
-Agent Leviathan

"Lesson 1. 
 Stop thinking in Windows terms; it's gonna mess your shit up bigtime."
-Rob Havelt

"The Sony VAIO PCG-808 is a slick laptop with an active matrix LCD
approximately the size of a small Third-World country."
-Chris McDonough

"I was just being all high."
-Bong Boy {UCB}

"You need to get out to the nearest Kroger's or Giant or whatever grocery
store they have up there now and buy yourself a big, fat slab of meat.
Meat is good for the soul. It makes you a man. Grrrrr."
-Laura

"I am going to kill you... that's for sure. But I didn't need all the
yelling and the slashing motions."
-{UCB}

"I have eaten every kind of drug that there is, but I have never inhaled.
Sure licking crank off the ass of a biker chick sounds bad, but wouldn't
it be worse if I snorted it?"
-"Bill Clinton"

"We get what we deserve. We took long, hard looks in our souls and decided
that we were nice guys, that we cared and that we wouldn't hurt. Now we've
got to live with the consequences of that." 
-Squid

"I want to see if Linux likes speed, because I'm a geek and it's a penis
thing."
-John VerBurg

"You have to obsolete your own product. Anytime you try to protect your
past, you're in trouble because the future is cheaper."
-Andreas Bechtolsheim, Sun Microsystems

"I personally wholeheartedly support wrestling for taking America's larger
men away from jobs like truck-driving and amusementparkridesupervision and
places them into a public arena where it doesn't matter if you can't read,
because it doesn't take a formal education to have the ability to form the
'Diamond Cutter' with your two hands." 
-Agent Leviathan

"I seduce freshmen for PE credit."
-Emily Hauer

"Actually, the truth is, I generally just make belittling comments and
snicker behind Death's back."
-Z {Antz}

"Just like any other debate you can always find a study... or a
testimonial... that will say pretty much anything you want. I bet I could
find proof for the existance of little fairies that eat cheese and leave
little fairie poops on the doorstep of some woman in Michigan. I am also
sure that I can find someone that would tell you that those poops taste
better than the ones left by elves from Vancouver, Canada. And that they
are superior in design and implementation. I am guessing that the woman in
question would tell you all this, but we should really find an 'unbiased'
party to do a formal study on the subject. Any volunteers?"
-Mattew Isleb

"Of course I'm right."
-Rick Taylor

"I guess when Microsoft asks, 'Where do you want to go today?' that HOW
you get there isn't always important..."
-Mark Brader

"It fills a certain subtle niche, I think when I'm expressing some kind of
super-unironic (post-ironic, perhaps!) enthusiasm that isn't full-bore in
its intensity."
-Vera Tobin, on use of the term, "hella"

"Well, when you're on pkids-list, you never know exactly what you're gonna
wake up to."
-Bill Lusa

"God is a comic playing to an audience that's afraid to laugh."
-A.

"You can eat whatever you want, because nothing makes a fat guy hornier
than a girl who can devour a big steak (although fat guys also appreciate
skinny girls because they represent leftovers)."
-Steven A. Shaw

"Openly disagreeing with the hero (especially mocking him) will get you 
a seat on Charon's Ferry quicker than having sex in an abandoned summer
camp."
-the fellows at www.jabootu.com, re. movies

"Television's role is to assemble the private bad taste of millions so it
achieves critical mass in the public square."
-Mark Dolliver

"Ultimately, something must die. Blood or chlorophyl must be spilt! No
one's hands are clean!"
-Marcus Battle

"Each effort to span a monkey-bar chasm ended up with me in the sand,
cursing second grade and vowing to use an as-yet-undiscovered worldwide
publishing medium to wreak my revenge on those who laughed at me."
-L. Fitzgerald Sjöberg

"Watch that extreme sitting, Joe."
-Bill Lusa, to Lemur, after he fell over while merely sitting on the floor

"It was a mean, evil-minded beast molded by the hellfires, so maybe I'm
only proving that demon-spawn are not always herbivores here..."
-AmandaMM, on her rabbit

"I'm thinking of selling my angst on eBay." 
-Tina the Troubled Teen

"Speaking as a computer geek and former part-time DBA (of sorts), I would
say that if we're going to start tracking meta-bitching, we need to find
a scheme for normalizing the bitch data."
-MC Squared

"So why don't we start bitching about how people keep bitching?  I've
never meta-bitched before... I was going to make a pun on 'meta-bitch,'
but I decided to leave it alone in the name of good taste."
-John Flanagan

"You know, it's funny, Smithers. I tried every tincture and poultice and  
tonic and patent medicine there is, and all I really needed... was the
blood of a young boy."  
-Charles Montgomery Burns

"If arts courses are so easy, then why don't the people who make fun of
art students do better in them?" 
-Rob Fairchild

"If addiction is judged by how long a dumb animal will sit pressing a
lever to get a 'fix' of something, to its own detriment, then I would
conclude that netnews is far more addictive than cocaine."
-Rob Stampfli

"Three-fourths of philosophy and literature is the talk of people trying
to convince themselves that they really like the cage they were tricked
into entering."
-A.

"I'm a strong believer in the evil-deterring powers of a blanket and lights."
-AmandaMM

"Oh, you're so sexy.... You make me want to fuck you in front of my big
plastic Jesus."
-K.

"I was raised Catholic and attended Jesuit learning institutions by my own
choice. I am no longer Catholic. Sorry, Mom. If anything, my Jesuit
education taught me that Catholicism is a disease, a neurosis. It can be
cured. It just takes a lot of therapy and Quake. Quake counts as a belief
system, right?"
-Lee "Lefty" Burgess

"I tried being respectful once.  I sounded sarcastic." 
-Tina the Troubled Teen

"Gonzo likes being blue, although he occasionally visits an ice cream
stand in Bombay and has himself dipped in rainbow sprinkles and curry just
to spice things up."
-Jim Lewis, Writer/Muppet Genius

"Jesuits are the shock troops of God's love, baby."
-Lee "Lefty" Burgess

"We have more ability than willpower, and it is often an excuse to ourselves
that we imagine that things are impossible."
-Francois Duc Deu Rochefoucauld

"You better slap a muzzle on that scaled-down piece of evil."
-Space Ghost

"If it looks like a vampire, talks like a vampire, bites like a vampire,
but lives in its parents' basement, it probably isn't a vampire."
-Rob Fairchild

"If I didn't like victims I wouldn't have so many in my basement." 
-LadyJ

"In real love you want the other person's good.  
In romantic love you want the other person."
-Margaret Anderson

"This is a public school. God has no place within these walls, just as
facts have no place within organized religion."
-Supt. Chalmers {The Simpsons}

"They always say time changes things, but you actually have to change them 
yourself."
-Andy Warhol