"Man is born to live, not to prepare to live." 
-Boris Pasternak

"There is no great beauty that hath not some strangeness to the proportion." 
-William Blake 

"Humor doesn't make anything less sacred."
-A.

"What I'm beginning to find most tiresome is the countless assortment of
political pundits who insist on confusing 'democracy' with 'freedom.'"
-Tarik Dozier

"If you can spend a perfectly useless afternoon in a perfectly useless
manner, you have learned how to live." 
-Lin Yu-t'ang 

"The moment of victory is too short to live for that and nothing else." 
-Martina Navratilova 

"There are two types of imaginary numbers: those which are imaginary just
like those stories in Action Comics where Superman marries Jimmy Olsen and
moves to Laguna Beach, and those which are imaginary in the mathematical
sense of 'hard to explain to your parents.' The former includes numbers
like 'fourteen gazillion billion gazillion' and the latter includes i, a
number which is equal to the square root of -1. While I have nothing but
respect and tolerance for fourteen gazillion billion gazillion, I admire i
for actually being the right answer sometimes."
-Lore Fitzgerald Sjoberg

"Facts are not subject to being disputed by mere opinions."
-Tarik Dozier, 2001

"A man in Chicago licensed OmniWeb and the next day he got free fries with
his burger. A woman in Des Moines didn't license it and a week later she
stubbed her toe really badly. Coincidence?"
-OmniWeb

"Hold still; you're going to feel a slight chocolatey sensation."
-Dr. Hibbert {The Simpsons}

"Losing an illusion makes you wiser than finding a truth." 
-Ludwig Borne 

"I think I like to keep my [nonfiction] writing habits tidy because the
rest of my life (i.e. my housekeeping) is such chaos." 
-Kathleen Dickason

"If Microsoft actually made good products, I wouldn't care whether they
destroyed their competitors through unfair business tactics or with
baseball bats, or if they used the skins of baby seals as packaging
material. I'd pay for a Windows-That-Doesn't-Suck even if it required the
blood of the innocent. I'm a bit of a pragmatist."
-Tarik Dozier

"With a bit of luck, his life was ruined forever, always thinking that
just behind some narrow door in all of his favorite bars, men in red
woolen shirts are getting incredible kicks from things he'll never know."
-Raoul Duke {Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas}

"One shall speak only if what one has to say is more beautiful than silence."
-A.

"Being involved in a creative project isn't always easy. Working on
Megatokyo is a lot like trying to fix the engine on a bus while it cruises
down a bumpy highway at 75 mph with two monkeys fighting over the steering
wheel and a brick on the accelerator."
-Fred Gallagher (Piro)

"Blarg! Tonight Death wears a hat made of MEAT!"
-Osiris Ani (Tarik Dozier), Q3A

"If you ever wondered why you'd want to browse the web in Emacs, it's not
for you."
-A.

"My pet peeve (besides ignorance and stupidity) is people who choose to
argue against facts as if they were somehow subject to the nuances of
opinions. That just makes me want to club baby seals with a Nerf bat."
-Tarik Dozier, 2001

"There'll be others, but every time you feel love, it's different. Every
time, it's different."
-Guinan {ST:TNG}

"Inside this air conditioner is a jazz musician wearing sunglasses and
standing next to a convertible. You can't get much cooler than that."
-Williams Cooling

"When dealin' with Mojo Jojo, we're talkin' pure evil! We got guns, we
got tanks, we got missiles all aimed at the mayor's office, but pure evil
cannot be stopped by these methods. It seems as though evil will prevail."
-Chief Hiddledee {Powerpuff Girls}

"That's all just well enough because in reality there is only room enough
in this world for one Mojo Jojo. One shall be the number of Mojo Jojos in
the world, and the number of Mojo Jojos in the world shall be one. Two
Mojo Jojos is too many and three is right out. So the only Mojo Jojo there
is room for in the world shall be me, and being the only Mojo Jojo in the
world, I will rule the world in which there is only one Mojo Jojo."
-Mojo Jojo

"You've got to be kidding. I'm wet, I'm naked, your sister is wearing my
clothes, and this is all part of some evil plot to rule the world as a
soggy chimpy in my birthday suit?"
-Mojo Jojo

"I'm not Bubbles. Bubbles is not my name. For the name, Bubbles, is not
the correct name to address me by, because it is not my name. If you were
to address me by the name, Mojo Jojo, that would be correct, for my name
is Mojo Jojo and I will only be addressed by that name, which is Mojo
Jojo, and furthermore it is not WE who will rule the world; it is I. I
being Mojo Jojo, who is not Bubbles, shall rule this world alone, which is
to say without anybody else, and without anybody else shall I rule this
world; and when this world is ruled by only one person, not a collective
group, that one person who shall be ruling the world will be none other
than me, Mojo Jojo."
-Bubbles {Powerpuff Girls}

"Suddenly everything was thrown into slow motion -- an extended 'NOOOOOOO'
echoed in my head as my other hand swiftly flew across the keyboard and
slapped my mouse hand away from the mouse, just in time to prevent me from
reading the article. It was just like in a movie. Well, a boring movie
about a guy reading Slashdot, but still.... Don't even ask me how I got
into the article so I could reply to it -- it involves ninjas, monkeys,
and a nuclear submarine."
-Matt Waggoner

"I do many things, but none particularly well. It is the art of not
applying yourself, the only craft I have studied my entire life. Like so
many others of my generation, I cherish the delusion that I have
superpowers buried deep inside me. They're awaiting the perfect trigger -
radiation, a child in danger - and in that defining moment I will finally
know my birthright."
-Mike Daisey, 21 Dog Years: Doing Time @ Amazon.com

"Given the pace of technology, I propose we leave math to the machines and
go play outside." 
-Calvin 

"Although there are more Microsoft Windows users than Macintosh users, we
would like to remind you that there are far more cockroaches than people."
-A.

"Cronjob. That sounds so dirty."
-Kyeo

"You're just jealous because no one loves you because you're tiny and made
of meat."
-Planet Express Ship {Futurama}

"This concept of 'wuv' confuses and infuriates us!"
-Lrrr {Futurama}

"In my day, movies were better. We got two movies, a bag of popcorn, a
cartoon, and a whoopin'. It kept your mind on your business."
-Abraham Simpson {The Simpsons}

"You were right; you can't beat the system, but you sure can break it."
-Malcolm {Malcolm in the Middle}

"A witty saying proves nothing."
-Voltaire 

"There's nothing in human experience compared to which a Sendmail config
file could be considered simple."
-A.

"Men do not roar; women roar. Then they hurl heavy objects... and claw at
you. [Men] read love poetry... [and] duck a lot."
-Worf {ST:TNG, "The Dauphin"}

"[What do Klingons dream about?] Things that would send cold chills down
your spine and wake you up in the middle of the night. No, it is better
you do not know."
-Worf {ST:TNG, "Rejoined"}

"Those of you who have no duck-strangling idea what I'm talking about,
just smile and nod."
-Lore Fitzgerald Sjoberg

"I do not smirk, but if I did, this would be a good opportunity."
-Worf {ST:TNG, "By Inferno's Light"}

"When I hold wine tasting events in Hell, I hand out glasses etched with
such things as a ruptured spleen, severed head, or an image of five demons
from the outer circles clawing their way through the skull of a poor soul,
frozen in mid-scream as his brains are churned into so much silly putty. I
want people to think of me when they drink."
-Satan (David Neilsen)

"You can tell a lot about a wine from the scent. For example, most of my
wines give off the faintest odor of human suffering, masked with an
ever-present scent of bile and filth. One whiff peels the skin from your
inner nasal passages, causing blood to flow freely backwards down your
sinuses into your brain, where the constant building pressure can only be
released by causing your head to explode into a shower of bone, brain and
blood. But then, my wines are special."
-Satan (David Neilsen)

"Nothing good can ever come from staying with normal people." 
-Harry MacDougal {Outlaw Star}

"[Plastic magnetic sushi] is my favorite. It dispenses with the illusion
of entertainment in favor of the illusion of gravity-defying sushi. I'm
pretty much in favor of anything shaped like sushi, including but not
limited to sushi. I'm also in favor of defying gravity. Fucking gravity!"
-Lore Fitzgerald Sjoberg

"Being a good fiend is like being a good photographer. You have to wait
for the right moment."
-Vegeta {DBZ}

"It's amazing how every time you open your mouth, you manage to prove 
you're an idiot."
-Vegeta {DBZ}

"What'd you say? Whoa! You're talking to me all wrong; it's the wrong tone! 
If you do it again, I'll stab you in the face with a soldering iron."
-Clem {The Adventures of Joe Dirt}

"All these retro punks with their pale white skin and their black
clothing... and their friggin' moist music, it... oh, I'm only kidding! 
I didn't say you were one. Oh, there you go, now you took offense."
-Space Ghost

"I wish the kids who comprise Marilyn Manson's fan base wore pink or puce
or plaid or paisley, so they wouldn't be confused with us. Some of them
are quite promising, but most of them wouldn't know Goths if a horde of
them pillaged and burned their villages while on the way to sack Rome."
-Tarik Dozier

"I follow Marilyn Manson, but I obey Rush Limbaugh. I hear him on the 
radio, and I just go... aaahhhh aaahhhh."
-Jerry, the Republican Vampire {Mission Hill}

"Napalm... ahhh, to be young again."
-Moltar

"And now that I've beaten the legal system to a bloody, lifeless pulp, 
it's your turn!"
-Space Ghost

"He's got too much free time, that rascal."
-Jim Ross, on Jeff Hardy's hair

"Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo."
-H. G. Wells

"I'm in favor of anything that will get people to shut up and think for 
a moment."
-Zang

"Winners never quit, and quitters shall be cast into a flaming pit of death!"
-{Snow Day}

"I'm never gonna get used to the thirty-first century. Caffeinated bacon? 
Baconated grapefruit? Admiral Crunch?"
-Phillip Fry {Futurama}

"You can never be too rich, too thin, or have too many nodes in your cluster."
-Chuck

"It's not the most intellectual job, but I do have to know all the letters."
-Vanna White

"This is not a sig. It may look like a sig, but trust me, it's not."
-geekd

"Let's forget these paper bills altogether. If we want to make our money 
more interesting and easier to distinguish, we should just start using 
giant round rocks with holes in the middle."
-Chris Taylor

"No sane, healthy person could be willing to give up their own life for 
any nonsense cause like religion."
-Dan Hayes

"Just because you're a genius doesn't make you a smart guy."
-Announcer {Powerpuff Girls}

"Yay! Brains!"
-GIR {Invader Zim}

"We cannot fail, GIR. Even as a small Irken smeat, my dream was to pass
Probing Day like a snore beast passes her young: jiggly... and full of
juice."
-Zim {Invader Zim}

"Hello, and welcome. I'm Dr. Clayton Forrester, and soon you will all bow 
down before me."
-Dr. Clayton Forrester {MST3K}

"Don't bother using an over-simplified metaphor to prove me wrong. It means
you don't understand my point."
-NanoGator

"Anyway, 'long story short' is a phrase whose origins are both complicated
and rambling."
-Abraham Simpson

"Listen to 'em, Merlin; they're from the damn future!"
-Marlon {The Brak Show}

"Man has only those rights he can defend."
-A.

"We wanted to give SCSI computing a more sexy name. So we called it 'deep 
computing.'"
-Pat O'Rourke, IBM

"Earth. Go figure."
-Dr. Dick Solomon {Third Rock From the Sun}

"How would you like to have your eyeballs in the bottom of a martini glass?
Because I can do it."
-Sally Solomon {Third Rock From the Sun}

"I've had it with your sassy mouth!"
-Mojo Jojo

"You should never underestimate the predictability of stupidity."
-{Snatch}

"When you find a moment of peace, take it... even if it only comes in a 
dream."
-Charles Taggert {Odyssey 5}

"You're frightfully inadequate for a deity."
-Sid 6.7 {Virtuosity}

"Kompressor does not play arena shows with fireworks and crowd of
fraternity men."
-Kompressor

"The world is run by idiots because they're more efficient than hamsters."
-A.

"He should have half expected to wake up the next morning to a cubic yard 
of elephant dung and a baker's dozen of giant monogrammed Pokemon 
vibrators charged to his credit card and shipped overnight to his mailing 
address from central Mongolia. He would have deserved it, I might add."
-karlm

"We are an OSS project. Marketing is not our job."
-Michael Phipps, OpenBeOS

"Yes, I was planning on sitting here listening to emo and crying all day, 
thank you very much."
-Cyno01

"If George Washington used snails instead of greyhounds to pull his sled,
there'd be no trees for Honest Abe to shove from the highest mountain."
-Mayor {PowerPuff Girls}

"That's okay; we're none of us perfect."
-Homer Simpson

"I mean, we really need to incorporate the steel chair into other sports, 
don't we, just for those 'somebody's so disgusted that they can't even 
figure out how to adequately respond' moments?"
-Bill Simmons, ESPN

"Give a man a fire and he's warm for a day, but set fire to him and he's 
warm for the rest of his life."
-A.

"One day, a manufacturing company finds that one of its machines has
stopped working. The plant manager calls a maintenance man, who studies
the machine. After a while, he pulls out a hammer and hits the machine
with it, at which point the machine begins to work again. The manager
thanks the maintenance man, who goes on his way.  A few weeks later, the
manager receives a bill for $2500. Outraged, he demands the bill be
itemized so he can see where the money went. The maintenance man replies
with the following bill: Hitting machine with hammer: $20. Knowing where 
to hit it: $2480."
-Patrick Doyle

"Fast-ass DSL: $80/month. Electricity for 12 computers: $150/month. 
Reaching the [Slashdot] Karma Cap: Useless."
-dhamsaic

"If you don't watch the violence, you'll never get desensitized to it."
-Bart Simpson

"Nothing should be able to crash the operating system. Anything that 
crashes the OS is a bug."
-NT OS/2 development team, 1990

"Nah; she likes you. The minute you said we could eat you, she was yours."
-Joseph Gribble {King of the Hill}

"You'll know it's me because I'm the blind stripper with the dog."
-{Crank Yankers}

"If John Doe's head splits open and a UFO should fly out, I want you to 
have expected it."
-Det. William Somerset {Se7en}

"We place two copies of PEOPLE magazine in a DARK, HUMID mobile home. 45
minutes later CYNDI LAUPER emerges wearing a BIRD CAGE on her head!"
-Zippy the Pinhead

"My happiness is not so trivial that it can be found in a fantasy."
-Se Himiko {Vampire Princess Miyu}

"What does $150 million buy you? It doesn't buy you eternal gratitude." 
-David Smith, Gartner Group

"Do not worry; I have nerves of steel. No, really; they are made of steel."
-Robot Jones

"Go home. Put on a silly hat. Do whatever morons do."
-Det. Victor Benezet {Under Suspicion}

"It's an outrage! All I ask is that you stay out of my maraschino cherries!
Professionals do not eat each other's maraschino cherries!"
-Lady Richington {Sheep in the Big City}

"With all due respect... BEGONE... sir."
-Worf {ST:TNG}

"And don't let the pickles touch the bread or I will eat your brains like 
mutton."
-{Mad TV}

"I never said I was smart, I just said I was smarter than you."
-Samari711

"If your hands are clean and your cause is just and your demands are 
reasonable, at least it's a start."
-A.

"It's not that I hate evil. It's just that a lot of people I can't stand 
happen to be that way."
-Genkai {Yuu Yuu Hakusho}

"Carrots, huh? Eat enough of those and someday you'll grow up to be a 
spaceship."
-Tenchi Muyo

"This looks like a quilt threw up in here."
-Frank Bielec {Trading Spaces}

"Don't think too badly of Akane; she's really a very sweet girl. She's 
just a violent maniac."
-Kasumi {Ranma 1/2}

"I hope you will never forget that happiness is just like chasing a
butterfly. The more you chase it and chase it and chase it directly, it
will always just elude you... but if you sit down quietly and turn your
thoughts to other things, then the butterfly comes and softly sits on your
shoulder."
-A.

"Joy is very seldom found where it is sought. Our brightest blazes are
commonly kindled by unexpected sparks." 
-Samuel Johnson

"I'm afraid it is you who are mistaken... about a great many things."
-Emperor Palpatine {SW:RotJ}

"The planet before you is Namek. Air Quality: Good. Cultural diversity:
non-existent. Namek contains no minerals of any worth and has little
industry or commerce. On the bright side, there is plenty of parking."
-{DBZ}

"Martha Stewart can lick my scrotum. Do I have a scrotum?"
-Sharon Osbourne 

"Biyotch? Moi?!"
-Homer Simpson

"'Morality' is doing what is right no matter what you are told. 'Religion' 
is doing what you are told no matter what is right."
-A.

"If it was so, it might be; and it were so, it would be; but as it isn't, 
it ain't. That's logic." 
-Lewis Carrol 

"What would Jesus do... for a Klondike bar?"
-A.

"Microsoft products for the Mac tend to be of better quality then their
Windows equivalents because Windows users generally tend to settle for
crappy software. They're used to it, so MS doesn't actually have to try."
-Tarik Dozier

"Having said that, the future of Debian looks like a blue sky, with fluffy 
white clouds here and there and a little flying saucer off in the distance."
-Noah Meyerhans

"Then eMpTyVee came along, and gave me the attention span of a ferret, and 
I didn't care any more." 
-Wil Wheaton 

"Hell hath no fury like a North American who has been slightly inconvenienced."
-Rob Fairchild