"The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits." -Albert Einstein "A kitchen should be a geek's second home, if only because of all of the toys available." -Al Napp "Beware: history speaks of goals never intended." -Andrew Boyd "The paradox is only a conflict between reality and your feeling of what reality ought to be." -Richard Feynman "In any sufficiently large group of people, most are idiots." -A. "Dude, shut up with all these facts and being reasonable and shit. This is Slashdot and we're trying to have a gripefest here. Geeze. We try to bullshit about the good old days and suddenly there are all these fuckin' historians getting all historic and stuff." -Anthony Boyd "'Whom are you?' said he, for he had been to night school." -George Ade "Ewww. Flowers are the sexual organs of plants. Why is it considered romantic to castrate a bunch of plants?" -Eunice Eulmeyer {Mission Hill} "Strangely, while both meat and fur are murder, they only call you a criminal when you make sweet love to the animal first." -Rob Fairchild "Use the word 'deconstruction' without being quite sure whether it is a rigorous strategy for reversing the classic hierarchies of Western philosophy or a trendy academic parlor trick." -Andrew Boyd {Life's Little Deconstruction Book} "Use the word 'post-modern' without being sure whether it is the dominant cultural logic of late capitalism or pop-culture shorthand for messy looking buildings." -Andrew Boyd {Life's Little Deconstruction Book} "If it isn't broken, take it apart and find out why." -A. "On the moon, nerds get their pants pulled down and they are spanked with moon rocks." -Ir {Aqua Teen Hunger Force} "Hey now, guys, look... I do not wanna do anything illegal here, but I would kill somebody in front of their own mama to get a ten-speed. And if anybody testifies against me, I'd gouge their eyes out." -Meatwad {Aqua Teen Hunger Force} "Under capitalism man exploits man. Under communism it's the other way around." -A. "You've been deceiving yourselves; this fight is fruitless." -Goku {DBZ} "As usual, a knife-wielding maniac has shown us the way." -Bart Simpson "Technology may not be perfect, but it sure beats a wig full of angry bunnies." -{Sheep in the Big City} "It never hurts to remind people that some of us are just a tiny bit slow, and a smidge obnoxious, in order to keep them on their toes. This is achieved in the way that we like to have weak arguments and tenuous logical connections explained to us both carefully and in great detail, and the fact that we are rude enough to insist." -Rob Fairchild "Nobody feels good. After childhood, it's a fact of life." -Mr. Waturi {Joe Versus the Volcano} "In a few years, we may end up living in the future!" -tps12 "You have deeply offended us and our god, and our god is a god of vengeance... and horror. Our god is an Indian that turns into a wolf. The wolfen will come for you with his razor." -Ignignokt {Aqua Teen Hunger Force} "We're here to take your pornography and sodomize our vast imaginations." -Ignignokt {Aqua Teen Hunger Force} "Using a key to gouge expletives on another's vehicle is a sign of trust... and friendship." -Ignignokt {Aqua Teen Hunger Force} "If you're using a PC because you want to, you're already a lost cause, so this book isn't going to help. You're the same losers that gave the world VHS, McDonalds, Disney World, and Brittney Spears, and always root for a sports team after they just won the championship. Macs are for folks who root for the underdog, love eccentricity, and thrive on creativity; so beat it. You're already boring me." -A. "Mad science has always been around, but recently there has been a trend towards science rage." -Aric McKeown "My great-granddaddy used to say that there's no use in crying over your losses until you've gotten your revenge. So let's get our revenge and let the crying begin!" -Pilaf {Dragonball} "I hate to burst your bubble, boys, but you have the fighting power of a Boy Scout troop." -Frieza {DBZ} "If they can put a man on the moon, why can't they leave him there?!" -Ranting Swede {Sheep in the Big City} "Solomon Grundy want pants, too!" -Solomon Grundy, Cartoon Network "We were born with a curse. It has always driven us to thoughts which are forbidden." -Ayn Rand "The downside of being better than everyone else is that people tend to assume you're pretentious." -A. "If you look at the [Apple 'switch'] ads carefully, the theme is mostly the same, and it reads like country music: My PC done me wrong, so I use a Mac now. They talk about blue screens of death, lost papers, and horrible little machines. All true, of course." -foobar104 "Could you please continue the petty bickering? I find it most intriguing." -Data {ST:TNG} "I think Oasis'll be fine. This isn't the first time she's been blown up by a self-destruct mechanism in an evil lair before my eyes. Hey, what's up with me and evil lairs?" -Torg {Sluggy Freelance} "Necessity is the plea of every infringement of human freedom. It is the argument of tyrants; it is the creed of slaves." -A. "It's like they answered the cluephone and then the line went dead." -Michael Chaney "To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there's no music, no choreography, and the dancers hit each other." -Jack Handey "I guess buying your politicians in bulk really pays off." -A. "Arguing whether a PC is superior to a Macintosh makes about as much sense as whether having a penis is better than having a vagina. Smart people recognize the advantages and delights of playing with both." -Rob Fairchild "It's just a matter of surpassing normal human limitations." -Master Roshi {Dragonball} "Leave your computer off, unplug it, and put it back into the box it came in. This will reduce the frequency of unexpected errors generated by Windows." -purpledinoz "'Doing things' is SO five minutes ago!" -Bob the Angry Flower "The Schroedinger petshop is closed due to unforeseen circumstances." -A. "I feel like picking a fight with everyone who thinks they are right." -Rainmakers "A good friend will come and bail you out of jail, but a true friend will be sitting next to you saying, 'That was fucking awesome.'" -A. "No! Precious cable [television]! I will give every hair on my body for it!" -Space Ghost "Goddamn ASICs need to fail sometimes; I mean that's really their only moment to be noticed. Most go through life not knowing what an ASIC is until one fails on an expensive switch module, and then they cause underflow errors, spotty network traffic, ports to start errdisabling, blown out netcards, action figures come to life and attack coworkers with surprising brutality, cats become dogs, things get really hard to figure out, and you turn gay (or so I hear)." -Rob Havelt "I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by." -Douglas Adams "Luke Skywalker was a terrorist." -A. "Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others." -Groucho Marx "You're young, you're drunk, you're in bed, you have knives; shit happens." -Angelina Jolie "Our films may be goat shit, but they're goat shit for which we have lots of affection." -Lloyd Kaufman, Troma Films "I guess some people aren't satisfied with dying only once." -Vegeta {DBZ} "What the heck, he's determined to win or die. It's going to be a great show; let's kick back and watch." -Vegeta {DBZ} "Science is like sex: Sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it." -Richard Feynman "So it's like the battle of good and evil in your vagina." -{Crank Yankers} "It's an old story, really; we grow up to learn that it's more fun not to. Feh. I suppose I'm doomed. Oh well, at least I have more stuff now." -Tarik Dozier, 2001 "It's not my job to tell you who you are; I don't want to know. It's taken me all my life to find out who I am and I am tired." -Marshall {Joe Versus the Volcano} "You're the Internet's most popular non-porno site." "...which makes you ten-trillionth overall." -Lenny & Carl {The Simpsons} "No, you're angry. Look, you're punching the cat right now." -Marge Simpson "You ever get the thrill of slingin' one of your little school chums against the mat and watchin' their eyes roll back in their head like they're some kind of little freak? You don't know what you're missin', little missy!" -Grandpa Ghostal {Space Ghost} "If you have a problem with that, maybe you should take it up with Mr. Laser." -Ignignokt {Aqua Teen Hunger Force} "Every time a Slashdot article is repeated, God clubs a baby seal with an angel's lost wings." -krog "I've got a mind like a steel trap; it's got an animal's foot stuck in it." -shadow303 "Did you hear that? My son is having dreams about getting spanked by your wife!" "Well, that's not so unusual." -Dale Gribble & Bill Dauterive {King of the Hill} "If you haven't met your full potential in life, you might as well not be alive." -A. "I'm so bad I kick my own ass twice a day." -Dolemite "This is the nineties. You don't just go around punching people. You have to say something cool first." -James Alexander Dix {The Last Boy Scout} "Ladies and gentlemen, Hooray for Everything invites you to join them in a salute to the greatest hemisphere on Earth, the Western Hemisphere, the dancingest hemisphere of all!" -{The Simpsons} "The man who sets out to carry a cat by its tail learns something that will always be useful and which never will grow dim or doubtful." -Mark Twain "Aw, people can come up with statistics to prove anything, Kent. Forty percent of all people know that." -Homer Simpson "Ninety-five percent of statistics are fake." -Marge Simpson "INSIDE, I have the same personality disorder as LUCY RICARDO!!" -Zippy "Of course, I tend to not put a whole lot of stock in what I read online... if I did I'd be overwhelmed with the sheer amount of hot teen bitches who want to get naked for me right now, and I'd be rolling in Nigerian money." -Wil Wheaton "There's a word for people who make an angry distinction between Trekkies and Trekkers: 'Trekkies.' Nobody else cares." -Golias "Fine, you don't have to swim, but please don't piss in the pool." -A. "If they were trying incredibly hard to fail at not sucking, they succeeded." -Clif Duhn "A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on." -Winston Churchill "That's the funny thing about memories; we are only what we remember of ourselves." -Aeon Flux "I wouldn't want to be me right now, but I don't have a choice." -Goku {DBZ} "Never underestimate the bandwidth of a station wagon full of tapes." -Dr. Warren Jackson, Director, UTCS "Really, is Atlas Shrugged suggested as a utopia or dystopia? What a nightmare, a world full of objectivists." -LJ Hiller "That's the last time I ever asked any rooster questions at a restaurant." -Owen Dunne {You Damn Kid} "Professor, without knowing precisely what the danger is, would you say it's time for our viewers to crack each other's heads open and feast on the goo inside?" -Kent Brockman {The Simpsons} "You were on my list of trustables, and it's a very short list. I wasn't even on it." -Dale Gribble {King of the Hill} "We're sorry, but due to recent legislation, money can no longer be used to buy love. Happiness is still available, but in limited quantities." -{Sheep In the Big City} "Great actors make great porno." -The Guy With the Long Hair "I can't rule the world with one ball." -Emperor Pilaf {Dragonball} "The Green Faerie, which lives in the NyQuil, wants your soul!!!" -Terry Wilson "Any movie in which a 'hard-hearted witch' uses a bullwhip to send a whiny toddler flying over a field is okay by us!" -Maura Buckley "It's difficult to work in a group when you're omnipotent." -Q {ST:TNG} "The significant problems we face cannot be solved by the same level of thinking that created them." -Albert Einstein "REAL men get some of those giant Pixy Stix and dump one into whatever it is they're drinking. Gaming is MUCH more fun with that strobe effect from your eyelids twitching. I just wish that damn pink elephant would give me my mouse back." -EHUDs_Rhino "I love my country. It's my government I fear." -A. "That's all very well in practice, but will it ever work in theory?" -A. "The worst offense an indie filmmaker can commit is attempting to showcase a mainstream Hollywood sensibility through a low budget indie. When I see that I want to rip the reels from the projector, toss them into traffic and run over them with my car, and then urinate upon the celluloid. I see this kind of indie a lot. Luckily, I've learned to control myself and have avoided jail time." -Chris Gore "Jesus used to be my co-pilot, but we crashed in the mountains and I had to eat him." -A. "I personally am somewhat flattered by my portrait as an ax-wielding porn purveyor." -Robin Wolaner, Executive Vice President, CNET Networks Media "Guess I'll have to make that bug a feature!" -Jimmy Neutron "I know that somewhere in the Universe exists my perfect soulmate - but looking for her is much more difficult than just staying at home and ordering another pizza." -Alf Whit "He was rejuvenated! Do you hear me? Rejuvenated. He was juvenated before, lost it, and got juvenated again!" -Trucky {Pootie Tang} "Bill, anytime you have a mild concussion, you're more than welcome at our dinner table." -Hank Hill {King of the Hill} "You are not Joseph's father. You are his godfather. You're not supposed to act like his father until Dale is gunned down by federal agents." -Peggy Hill {King of the Hill} "He's just being nice so my real dad doesn't freeze him in carbonite and trade him for spice." -Joseph Gribble {King of the Hill} "Once you can accept the universe as matter expanding into nothing that is something, wearing stripes with plaid comes easy." -Albert Einstein "Oh, great. '[Ultra wide band devices] will cause a 747 to crash into the White House, curdle your milk, kidnap your virgin daughter and sell her to the Hell's Angels, molest your wife, and defraud every company you've ever invested in!'" -Raetsel "If you're going to write a comedy scene, you're going to have some rat feces in there." -David Cross {Mr. Show} "The best part? I became an ordained minister while not wearing pants." -CleverNickName "From my own brief experience with assembly language, I was under the impression that its role as an instructional aid largely consisted of the following: 'Don't do that again, or I'll hit you with this book a second time...!'" -Alexander M. "My religious beliefs lie somewhere between Buddhism and Super Monkey Ball." -A. "If people had understood how patents would be granted when most of today's ideas were invented and had taken out patents, the industry would be at a complete standstill today." -Bill Gates, Microsoft, 1991 "Oh, I've dated a number of women with neuroses similar to Maggie Estep's. None of them were able to come close to manifesting them as creatively, though, so the benefits never managed to outweigh the cost." -Tarik Dozier "True, we love life, not because we are used to living, but because we are used to loving. There is always some madness in love, but there is also always some reason in madness." -Friedrich Nietzsche "The inability to complete a thought is stupidity." -A. "I had to think of something. The doctors didn't know what to do, the Vivarin didn't work, and the cat simply hated doughnuts. I'd have to fix him myself." -{ADDTV} "Only a brain-damaged operating system would support task switching and not make the simple next step of supporting multitasking." -George McFry "We really haven't done everything we could to protect our customers. Our products just aren't engineered for security." -Brian Valentine, Senior VP, Microsoft Windows Development "One may bask at the warm fire of faith or choose to live in the bleak uncertainty of reason... but one cannot have both." -A. "Where others aspire to create works of art, I do not want anything apart from showing my spirit. I cannot conceive of a work of art as distant from life." -Antonin Artaud "And while it may have been a relief to see that I was right all along, here I am still: alone and trapped, awaiting the endless end." -King Missile, "Ed" "Stabbing someone to death with a plastic spork is effective (as long as the intent is to kill them), but it's certainly not the most efficient way of going about the process... not when there are plenty of available anvils to drop on them." -Tarik Dozier "I am sure that it says something about me that I spent part of my evening sticking nails in bits of cow heart, surrounding it with feathers and candles, and taking photos of it, but I'm not sure *what* that says." -Alexandra Howell "Sure, they laugh when I say that I'm the burger king. They won't be laughing when I command the burgers to rise up and eat their firstborn sons." -Aric McKeown