"We all do no end of feeling, and we mistake it for thinking." -Mark Twain "Remember, faith is only hopeful ignorance." -Guillermo Del Toro "If we wish to grasp the essence of a complex of abstract notions, we must for the one part investigate the mutual relationships between the concepts and the assertions made about them; for the other, we must investigate how they are related to the experiences." -Albert Einstein "This arrangement afforded me many opportunities for difficulty." -Michiko {King of the Hill} "I don't usually cry unless somebody's pulling out my fingernails like you fine folks did so many years ago." -Cotton Hill {King of the Hill} "With all respect and honor, I would not be saddened if both you and your father went to Hell." -Junichiro {King of the Hill} "Let me put it this way: everybody around here drinks milk if they know what's good for them." -Milkman Dan {Red Meat} "No one should be this delicious!" -Dib {Invader Zim} "Why am I so AMAZING?!" -Invader Zim "Jesus saves, but everyone else in a 10-foot radius takes full damage from the fireball." -Phoenix "It's kind of fun to do the impossible." -Walt Disney "As a rule of thumb, it's wise to distrust happy dancing robots." -Aric McKeown "Well, I guess that's what you get when you breed with the source of all evil." -Paige {Charmed} "There's one thing computing teaches you, and that's that there's no point to remembering everything." -Douglas Coupland "Thanks, Mayor Simpson. Because of you, we're all taking golden showers." -Kent Brockman {The Simpson} "Everybody laughs along, but no one gets the joke." -Beezus, "Ring Around" "You're a little too much into making up my mind for me; so quit while you're ahead and save yourself some dignity." -Feaze, "Stick Up" "Don't screw with me, Bob, I bit off a nun's ear. Now tell me the truth!" -Pickles Oblong {The Oblongs} "What's bright blue, all encompassing, and once struck terror into the modern heart?" -Suzanne Ross, Microsoft "Just 'cause a girl likes to dress fancy and dance on a street corner next to some whores, you automatically think she's hookin'? I'm a lady... you greasy bastard!" -Biggie Shorty {Pootie Tang} "The Good Humor man can only be pushed so far." -{The Simpsons} "I know we usually give you lots of grief, but you being a dirty old man really paid off this time." -Bulma {DBZ} "Why is it that in every town there is a bus stop that contains such an amazing conglomeration of aberrant humanity that you have to stop and say, 'Whoa! Where in the FUCK does that bus go?'" -Dennis Miller "Maybe he just fears my 'leet sandwich-skilz." -Torg {Sluggy Freelance} "I will teach you how to spread mustard on fame, mayo on glory, and even stick an olive-topped toothpick through death!" -Professor Snapekin {Sluggy Freelance} "Your imaginary friend is real, and they're selling me all of your secrets, you bed-wetter." -Aric McKeown "Love is like a small pointy box hidden in a pitch black room filled with razor blades and electric eels." -Aric McKeown "I know the answer! The answer lies within the heart of all mankind! The answer is twelve? I think I'm in the wrong building." -Peppermint Patty "I eat raw meat and dispose of my ex-boyfriends this way frequently." -A. "Anything is better than Internet Explorer, and you can quote me on that." -Wil Wheaton "It only takes twenty years for a liberal to become a conservative without changing a single idea." -Robert Anton Wilson "The radical of one century is the conservative of the next. The radical invents the views. When he has worn them out, the conservative adopts them." -Mark Twain "You will PAY for your use of inappropriate dialogue!" -Mojo Jojo "I've never been very good with words, which is why I'm in such a delicate conundrum...." -Adlai {Futurama} "Boys, stop making the Corporate Messiah kiss your ass." -Bob Oblong {The Oblongs} "I would laugh, but you just aren't funny." -A. "I mean just because a certain pattern may seem to be evidencing itself in a kind of bold, tactile, painful way, doesn't mean it will necessarily continue on into a neverending hell equal to having someone slice open your stomach, rip out your intestines, nail them to a tree, and force you to disembowel yourself by running around it!" -Greg Allen, "Fool-Hearty" {TMLMTBGB} "Love conquers all, including its participants." -Maggie Estep, "Gum" "Listen man, she's sleazy... and not in the good John Waters way." -Jim Kuback {Mission Hill} "For the next two minutes and fifteen seconds, you are bound by codes of conduct as old as society itself. You may not get naked. You may not commit incest. You may not pass GO without collecting $200." -Scott Hermes, "Do What You Will" {TMLMTBGB} "Adult, n.: One old enough to know better." -A. "Arguments are extremely vulgar, for everyone in good society holds exactly the same opinion." -Oscar Wilde "I want to call up everybody I hate and declare my unconditional love for them, for everyone, for the brink of destruction itself." -Maggie Estep "Somebody once said, 'I'd rather be a terrible warning to my children than a good example.'" -Lennie Briscoe {Law & Order} "There is no problem that is not improved by effort, and no effort that is too paltry to be worth undertaking." -Sam Waterson "It's like the old adage: 'Always trust a blond man selling fish or lamb from a windmill.'" -John Stewart "Want me to go back with a rubber hose?" -Abbie Carmichael {Law & Order} "Everybody needs money. That's why they call it 'money.'" -Bergman {Heist} "The masses of men lead lives of quiet desperation." -Henry David Thoreau, Walden "Atomic laser? Is that better than an axe?" -Doctor Who "Comedy Central helps me cope after dealing with inappropriate defecation." -Flight Attendant "Enrico Fermi would just roll over in his motherfuckin' grave if he heard that stupid shit." -Jamaal Bailygates {Me, Myself, and Irene} "Honda is actually a common family name in Japan, much like General Motors is here." -Lore Sjoberg "[Ryu and Ken] have the same moves and abilities in the original Street Fighter II game, but Capcom makes up for this by giving them distinct appearaces and personalities. Ryu, the dark-haired one, enjoys collecting art deco lamps and does oil paintings of toy breed dogs in his spare time. Ken, the light-haired one, is very active in local politics and takes great pride in administering the non-profit Ken Fund for the Insufficiently Ass-Kicked." -Lore Sjoberg "This was your idea. If you don't like your own ideas, then stop having them." -Ginger Fitzgerald {Ginger Snaps} "Stay in your own little world... this one just confuses you." -Pamela Fitzgerald {Ginger Snaps} "How Buu supposed to live up to body image in magazine?" -Majin Buu {DBZ} "No! Don't make excuses for him. There's no reason to demolish planets, regardless of personality defects." -Piccolo {DBZ} "The plural of 'anecdote' is not 'data.'" -Roger Brinner "Hollywood's biggest fear is that Britney Spears will try to make another movie. Piracy is a close second." -wo1verin "In the space of one hundred and seventy-six years the Mississippi has shortened itself two hundred and forty-two miles. Therefore, in the Old Silurian Period the Mississippi River was upward of one million three hundred thousand miles long, seven hundred and forty-two years from now the Mississippi will be only a mile and three-quarters long. There is something fascinating about science. One gets such wholesome returns of conjecture out of such a trifling investment of fact." -Mark Twain "I wish I could hear the soundtrack to my life. That way I'd know when to duck." -A. "To be young and in love; to be completely irrational. Gosh, I miss those days... lots." -Krillin {DBZ} "It's eleven-sixteenths of an inch thick. If you think that's an inch, then you may be overestimating many things in your life." -Dj "We dress interestingly, but so do football players." -Gene Simmons "Xbox is either a trademark or a registered trademark of Microsoft Corporation. Mandrake might be some kind of trademark of MandrakeSoft. Linux definitely is a trademark of Linus Torvalds. GNU is cool, but I don't think it's a trademark." -Xbox Linux Mandrake 9.0 readme "Your reality is lies and balderdash and I'm delighted to say that I have no grasp of it whatsoever." -Baron Munchausen "Teach a fish to man, and suddenly he's a UNIX expert." -A. "Weaseling out of things is what makes us different from animals... except the weasel." -Homer Simpson "We should be careful to get out of an experience only the wisdom that is in it - and stop there; lest we be like the cat that sits down on a hot stove-lid. She will never sit down on a hot stove-lid again - and that is well; but she will also never sit down on a cold one anymore." -Mark Twain "Information wants to be anthropomorphized." -A. "Well, it's 4:00 am here, and I am still at work, so I don't imagine this post was at all coherent. God Bless Orange Soda. Cheese fish is moose." -Will Rosecrans "What kind of world would we have if everyone who tried to stick a fork into the head of another human being got a shock?" -Torg {Sluggy Freelance} "And hey, the 'troubled' ghosts are trapped under the floorboards anyway. I can barely hear their tormented moans anymore." -Torg {Sluggy Freelance} "There will come a day when I shall give up and resort to dealing with idiots by brandishing a pointy stick." -A. "I found no love in burning the bottom of my feet with Cigarellos; just a certain amount of artistic satisfaction. I found no love in the hollowed- out belly of a dead elk; just warmth... and quiet. But then the questions: 'Hey, why are you in the hollowed-out belly of a dead elk? Are you in there because of love?'" -Bruce McCulloch {The Kids in the Hall} "A computer without a Microsoft operating system is like a dog without bricks tied to its head." -A. "In other news, the advancing diplomatic alien fleet of hyperintelligent shades of the color blue suddenly reversed its course towards Earth and headed back to their own galaxy. When questioned about this sudden move, Deeble, the fleet commander, only replied, 'Well, we had such high hopes, but then suddenly we received transmissions of these segments called The Real World, Survivor, and Fear Factor, and we realized that whatever intelligent beings had existed on the planet had obviously been wiped out by a lesser form of common mildew.' Sources deep in the fleet command substantiated this view by showing clips from Big Brother." -agrounds Okay, well, you need to teach your also half-witch baby the joys of maiming and killing demons." -Paige Matthews {Charmed} "Fire can be our friend, whether it's roasting s'mores or raining down on Charlie." -Principal Seymour Skinner {The Simpsons} "It's unethical to *harm* a patient; I can *hurt* you as much as I want." -Dr. Phlox {Enterprise} "I expect that robots will take over the world, and openly hunt humans in a post-apocolyptic landscape. This will occur in January. For the rest of the year, technology will take a vacation." -Rob Malda (CmdrTaco), October 2002 "Giving the Linus Torvalds Award to the Free Software Foundation is like giving the Han Solo Award to the rebel fleet." -Richard Stallman "No more of that talk, or I'll put the leeches on you." -Raoul Duke {Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas} "Biiko, too much suffering is bad for your complexion." -Chairman Daitokuji {Project A-Ko Part 2 trailer} "Project A-Ko is the typical love triangle of three school girls and their confrontations with aliens, giant robots, and women who look like burly men." -David McGuire {IMDb} "Ah, Zealots. Aren't we fun?" -Rob Malda {CmdrTaco} "Everything I say is supposed to be funny. Don't be upset if it's over your head." -morgajel "Prepare for one of my harmful rays." -Space Ghost "The past is just the future that already happened." -Warren {Space Ghost Coast to Coast} "Is Death Valley in the middle of summer too cool for you? Do you find lava to be refreshing? Been looking for a place where the trees spontaneously combust? Think it takes far too long to get skin cancer on Earth? If so, maybe Venus is the place for you." -evilviper "The average car can hold you and four supermodels... or you and three dozen rabid, incontinent weasels. So you want the weasels, right? More of something is automatically better." -/.AC "Politicians are interested in people. Not that this is always a virtue. Fleas are interested in dogs." -P.J. O'Rourke "Grow up and leave the technology details to people who know what they're doing and talking about." -Brigadoon "Yeah, good things don't end in 'eum.' They end with 'mania' or 'teria.'" -Homer Simpson "Help! She's touching my special area!" -Ralph Wiggum {The Simpsons} "I'm only a member of Slashdot to meet women. I hope I'm not wasting my time." -bsharitt "The last panel of this feature has been removed as it was deemed potentially offensive and downright nasty to Jesse Jackson, Jesse Jackson Jr., Martin Luther King III, Rosa Parks, Dexter King, the entire Rainbow Coalition, and Nipsey Russell. Just... don't ask." -Aaron McGruder {The Boondocks} "Jusr remember that politicians are like diapers, and need to be changed often for the same reason." -A. "The reason that every major university maintains a department of mathematics is that it's cheaper than institutionalizing all those people." -A. "You attempt things that you do not even plan because of your extreme stupidity." -A. "The farther you go back, the better (stability-wise) software gets. Legacy hardware is even better. The only way you're getting a Vax machine to crash is if you push it off a table." -unicron "When all else fails, there's always delusion." -Conan O'Brien "On the other hand, it could be as much BS as, 'I run a technology-based networking company.' Show me all these non-technology-based networking companies, then! What do they run on, peanut butter? Daisies? Fluffy bunnies? Sheesh!" -Rob Colonna "Your best consolation is the hope that the things you failed to get weren't really worth having." -A. "Perhaps I didn't properly explain the fundamentals of the slow-down plan." -Pres. Andrew Shepard {The American President} "How do you have patience for people who claim they love America, but clearly can't stand Americans?" -Sydney Ellen Wade {The American President} "Well, that was nice. You're not so bad after all... you just dress bad." -Lefthand {Vampire Hunter D: Bloodlust} "Sorry, I'm a teenage boy. I think about nipples every nine seconds." -Chip Oblong {The Oblongs} "So anyway, that's how the panda bear got into the Dairy Queen and why I NEED A LAWYER!" -Milo Oblong {The Oblongs} Your soul... I'm totally gonna chew on it and then floss with your spirit." -Master Lou {Sealab 2021} "I require a popsicle every fifteen minutes. You obviously did not read the memo." -Meatwad {Aqua Teen Hunger Force} "It has become appallingly clear that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -Albert Einstein "From this experiment we can extrapolate that a successful dip is creamy." -Alton Brown {Good Eats} "Oh, heavens no. It had to be terror sweat." -Dr. Raymond Hibbert {The Simpsons} "It's like I've always said: you can't beat a heavily-armed lynch mob for a meticulous and professional criminal investigation leading to a fair and open trial." -elvum "Yeah, but... without the grease, all you can taste is the hog anus." -Homer Simpson "The sea was angry that day, my friends, like an old man trying to send back soup at a deli." -George Costanza {Seinfeld} "I have nothing against the American people... I just want regime change." -A. "The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reason for existing. One cannot help but be in awe when he contemplates the mysteries of eternity, of life, of the marvelous structure of reality." -Albert Einstein "I'll be happy to help you look for your balls if you need a hand." -Arale {Dragonball} "What do you know about being a superhero? Have you ever changed clothes in a phone booth?" -Sour Man {Dragonball} "You just keep on talking while I smack you around." -Gotenks {DBZ} "Kompressor serve you egg, not fully cooked. You have bacteria in breakfast." -Kompressor "Smoking and drinking go together... like porn and nachos." -Pickles Oblong {The Oblongs} "When he gets here, we melt him and laugh all into the night." -{Aqua Teen Hunger Force} "World domination? You guys couldn't take over a damn bowl of Jell-o." -Frylock {Aqua Teen Hunger Force} "Why does this magnificent applied science, which saves work and makes life easier, bring us little happiness? The simple answer runs: because we have not yet learned to make sensible use of it." -Albert Einstein