"Look at the world and tell me the pleasures of sanity." -Reinhard Heydrich {Conspiracy} "Being a soldier requires the discipline to do the unthinkable. Politics requires the skill to get others to do the unthinkable for you." -Reinhard Heydrich {Conspiracy} "Something as enormous as Science will not stop for something as small as Man." -Ma'Bor Jetrel {ST:Voyager} "Adam had a unique advantage; when he said a good thing, he knew nobody had said it before." -Mark Twain "I now return you to the end of the world, already in progress." -King Chicken {Duckman} "I hope you're all comfortable. I'd hate for your final moments to be marred by chafing." -King Chicken {Duckman} "My horoscope said this would be a bad day to destroy the world." -King Chicken {Duckman} "Yeah, I had a roommate once... until I boiled him in his own juices." -Moltar {Space Ghost Coast to Coast} "We salute you, our half-inflated Dark Lord!" -Nigel Tufnel, Spinal Tap {The Simpsons} "Captain, your presence here has not been... overly meddlesome." -Ambassador Soval {Enterprise} "All I said was. 'I'm pretending to whisper a big secret in your ear so that Jake here thinks I'm telling you a secret, which will cause him to break into a hysterical confession where he actually reveals a big secret, thus confirming everything I just whispered in your ear.'" -Austin {Not Another Teen Movie} "I remember it like it was yesterday. Christmas 1989, Dad had just gotten fired from the zipper factory, Mom was still pulling in tricks to make ends meet, Daniel Day Lewis won an Oscar for My Left Foot, and all I wanted was one of those little Betsy Wetsy dolls." -Janey Briggs {Not Another Teen Movie} "Funny, isn't it? You would never suspect that everyone at this school is a professional dancer." -{Not Another Teen Movie} "You can't break a few chickens without snappin' some heads." -Andy Shoemaker "Fry, you half-mad, half-insane maniac; be reasonable!" -Professor Hubert Farnsworth {Futurama} "Oh you'd like me to connect the dots for you; lead you from A to B to C so that your puny mind could comprehend? How boring." -Q {ST:TNG, "All Good Things"} "What you were and what you are to become will always be with you." -Q {ST:TNG, "All Good Things"} "I am curious. Have the Q always had had an absence of manners, or is it the result of some natural evolutionary process that comes with omnipotence?" -Tuvok {ST:Voyager} "When people are in an absurd situation, their minds rationalize it by inventing comfortable illusions." -Dogbert "I am tired of your lack of enthusiasm!" -F.W. Murnau {Shadow of the Vampire} "You want to eat the writer? Be my guest; that will leave you to explain how else your character gets to Bremen!" -F.W. Murnau {Shadow of the Vampire} "If it's not in frame, it doesn't exist." -F.W. Murnau {Shadow of the Vampire} "You haven't peed until you've peed in our living room. It's fantastic." -Chris Wylde {Trading Spaces} "Little umbrellas get the party started right!" -Christian "I could MENSTRUATE a better test script than that!" -Kathleen Dickason "Just because you're smart doesn't mean you can't act stupid. It's your constitutional right." -Dennis Van Welker {Camp Nowhere} "We've got brand new planes; and we think that's pretty neat." -American Trans Air "I'm entitled to a private life, I'm not a role model, and so forth." -Homer Simpson "Couldn't you find a more fuel-efficient Satan?" -Lenny Kravitz {The Simpsons} "I really didn't realize the librarians were such a dangerous group. You think they're just sitting at the desk, all quiet and everything. They're, like, plotting the revolution, man. I wouldn't mess with them. They've had their budgets cut, they're paid nothing, books are falling apart. The libraries are just like the ass end of everything, right?" -Michael Moore "You rip a girl's dress, you call her a wench, you're asking for it." -Melissa {Home Movies} "Bart, the larynx is not a plaything." -Marge Simpson "I have eaten the RIBS of GOD!" -Homer Simpson "You have to defile a mummy completely, or they come back to life; you know that." -Brock {The Venture Brothers} "Are you mad? Without machines, who will feed us and clothe us and compose our smooth jazz?" -Hermes Conrad {Futurama} "Ignorance is at the root of all tragedy." -A. "Yeah, man, and he's totally allergic to pollen! And he's got these big, like, oven mitts or somethin', man. Yeah it is [evil], because he's baking in the Kitchen of Darkness a pie of lost souls until it's golden brown. Yeah, but you can't eat it, even though you want to; you've gotta let it cool off on the window. The window sill to... TO HELL." -Moltar {Space Ghost Coast to Coast} "Please; people want the fiber of whole wheat. Give it up, yo." -Wheat Side "Not quite. This is Krusty brand Imitation Gruel. Nine out of ten orphans can't tell the difference." -{The Simpsons} "And then Trogdor smote the Kerrek and all was laid to burnination." -Strong Bad "The bourgeois human is the virus on the hard drive of the working robot!" -Greeting Card {Futurama} "Hell hath no fury like the vast robot armies of a woman scorned." -Prof. Hubert Farnsworth {Futurama} "Now I want to shout our love from the rooftops! Perhaps I'll breed some sort of albino shouting gorilla." -Prof. Hubert Farnsworth {Futurama} "Facts apart from their relationships are like labels on empty bottles." -Sven Italla "Kyle, asses don't exist. Everyone knows that." -Space Ghost "If someone approached you about washing your hair, what would you say to them? I'll tell you what you should say. You'd say, 'Thanks, but no thanks. I don't need large brains to have a good time.'" -Space Ghost "Lockdown!" "Aw, Mom; I'm fully medicated." "Milo, last night you were up 'til dawn trying to circumcise ants." "That's not crazy; it's a matter of hygiene." -Pickles and Milo Oblong "Bob, if I don't make it, I want you to be buried alive with me." -Pickles Oblong "Dear God or godlike figure, please make my doggie all better. I mean, look around here; YOU OWE ME. When I wake up, Scottie better be all healed, or the Devil's got a new errand-boy. Praise the Lord. Amen." -Milo Oblong "Payback is best served ten years later." -C. Jones "That corpse is full of surprises!" -Dr. Phlox {Enterprise} "How come every time I come up with something clever, the Simpsons already did it?" -Professor Chaos {South Park} "I could see the writing on the wall... and it was mine." -Jean-Michel Basquiat "Anger is a force for change, but not if it blinds us." -A. "'I learned two things early on,' my sister said. 'The first is don't blame people for being the way they are.' 'What's the second,' I said. She smiled. 'If they're really stupid, go ahead and blame them. It's a really simple philosophy,' she added." -Brian Andreas, "Simple Rules" "I'm sure that that could be indented more readably, but I'm scared of the awk parser." -Larry Wall "For a moment, I lost my head. I was just a selfish, confused torso." -Bob Oblong "Dude, that's hardly a reasonable postulate. How could you even hint at basing a theory on such a spurious assumption? Whassupwitdat?" -Tarik Dozier, talking to his radio again "I'm standing here pointing at a pig, and I have no idea why." -Weather Lady {Tokyo Pig} "I'm supposed to say something sarcastic, but I can't remember what it is." -Weather Lady {Tokyo Pig} "I'm sorry, but aren't you taking your prose a little too far?" -Spencer {Tokyo Pig} "A modest woman, dressed out in all her finery, is the most tremendous object in the whole of creation." -Goldsmith "What are you complaining about? You're not really missing out on anything that concerns you. See; this is all there is. This is the world." -Tarik Dozier (null context), 02.22.03 "Damn your sparkling wordplay!" -Homer Simpson "A sine curve goes off to infinity, or at least the end of the blackboard." -Prof. Steiner "Perhaps we'll be lucky. Rather, perhaps we'll be smarter. Maybe this will be the generation to solve the world's problems... or maybe it'll have to be the next... or the next." -Tarik Dozier, 1992 (age 17) "Here in high school, you're lucky if a teacher can remember your name, much less try to get to know you. If someone refuses to 'fit in,' they're ostracized and labeled by all, including the faculty. Despite what adults say about resistance to peer pressure, no one is really expected to be an individual. Thus, I discovered separation as something of a viable alternative. Solitude is a tempting solace when mindless conformity is an undesirable option, but neither extreme solves the problem. It's difficult to find the middle ground between the two - if such a thing even exists - when it appears that the situation at hand can only be the meticulously planned result of organized hostile forces aligning against you." -Tarik Dozier, 1992 (age 17) "No matter who you are and who you have been, you must fight to have your reputation established wherever you go. However, for the ever-changing adolescent personality, that might be for the best." -Tarik Dozier, 1992 (age 17) "The cow is nothing but a machine which makes grass fit for us people to eat." -John McNulty "What sick, ridiculous puppets we are, and what a gross little stage we dance on." -John Doe {Seven} "Ernest Hemingway once wrote, 'The world is a fine place, and worth fighting for.' I agree with the second part." -William Somerset {Seven} "On the subway today, a man came up to me to start a conversation. He made small talk, a lonely man talking about the weather and other things. I tried to be pleasant and accommodating, but my head hurt from his banality. I almost didn't notice it had happened, but I suddenly threw up all over him. He was not pleased, and I couldn't stop laughing." -John Doe {Seven} "Let's cut his entire body off!" -Bizarro Sparks {Sealab 2021} "The metric system is the tool of the Devil! My car gets forty rods to the hogshead, and that's the way I likes it." -Abraham Simpson "If a chemical weapon follows you home, try to act casual. You may wish to consider leaving the country." -idlewords.com "If deadly radiation knocks on your door, do not answer. Most nuclear explosions will be less than a city block wide. Consider running in a direction away from the blast." -idlewords.com "Never trust a press release that uses 'leverage' as a verb three times in less than a page... unless it's a press release about levers." -Dr. Enormous "The concept of a bug is the most overused in the software world today. Software not acting how you want it to does not mean that it's buggy. Software not working how the author intended it to, that's buggy." -shylock0 "It might look like I'm standing motionless, but I'm actively waiting for my problems to go away." -A. "How dare you mistake my humility for weakness?" -Shawn Michaels "Nevertheless, I am willing to explore my humanity. Take off your clothes." -Seven of Nine {ST:Voyager} "Fun will now commence." -Seven of Nine {ST:Voyager} "There's a reason we're the number one online clandestine fast food delivery service: we eliminate all who oppose our clan!" -Ninja Burger "I held her close for only a short time, but after she was gone, I'd see her smile on the face of a perfect stranger and I knew she would be there with me all the rest of my days." -Brian Andreas, "Perfect Stranger" "I'm looking for someone who, as a child, spent much of her time looking forward to the grand person she knew she would someday be. But I find myself looking in the mirror at an adult who spends too little of her time looking back at the grand person she once was." -Noelle Krimm, "Missing" {TMLMTBGB} "Some people will do almost anything to avoid listening to the truth. 'La. La. La. My machine is secure. La. La. La.'" -drakewyrm "Your name will go down in infamy. What... was your name again?" -{Charmed} "I have some special gifts for you, from my arsenal. Chain mail from my club days, steel-toed boots from my mosh pit days, and handcuffs... from last Friday." -Paige Matthews {Charmed} "Catering to the clueless merely attracts them." -A. "Any alien can inject his space-juice into someone and be a father, but it takes a real man to be a dad." -Hank Hill {King of the Hill} "I need to lose TWENTY MORE POUNDS, or I'll NEVER BE PRETTY!" -Dr. Weird, taking a chainsaw to his legs {Aqua Teen Hunger Force} "Not that I don't like you a lot... but it's quite difficult for a woman in my position to have my name linked romantically with a puppet." -Lily Tomlin {SNL, 1975} "Why am I talking to myself in the second person?" -Krillin {Dragonball} "This was, I believe, the first recorded incident of a CIA agent being eaten alive by a rainbow trout." -{Leonard Part 6} "Yeah; if you ask me, I think she's one OVA short of a series." -Shinesman Sepia {Shinesman} "I don't know why we need a roof anyway. Just put on a hat and get over it." -Brak's Dad {The Brak Show} "And for things you don't even know, thank you." -David Aames {Vanilla Sky} "Hmmm... well, I have been looking for a way to serve the community that also incorporates my violence...." -Leela {Futurama} "If tears could squeeze through my muscular ducts, I would cry like a baby that has just been hit with a hammer." -Rainier Wolfcastle {The Simpsons} "I'm sure you've addressed that at great length in your dreams." -Jim Ross "The lesson, I guess, is that great music is not created to be deconstructed, but rather to be enjoyed." -Gordon Smith "So you think I'm sick? Well, the only disease I've got is modern life. A schnugbusting gauntlet of inefficiency and misery that's one long parade of letdowns, trickle-downs, freeze-outs, sellouts, shutouts, numbnuts, nincompoops, and nimrods all making every day as much fun as waxing a flaming Pontiac with your tongue. Where even if you do luck into some fleeting pleasure - like, say, if some nymphomaniac telephone operator with the muscle control of Romanian mat slappers agrees to a little strip air hockey - it's over before it starts. 'Cause some vowel-lacking, feta- reeking, cab-jockey slams his Checker into your hatchback and the cab is owned by some pinata-spanker from a Santeria cult in Wacompa who starts shacking chicken bones at you and gives you a boil on your neck so big all it needs is Michael Jordan's autograph to make it complete. And even with all this... WITH ALL THIS... I still manage to drag my sorry ass off the Sealy every morning and stick my face in the reaping machine for one more day, knowing that when it comes time to flash the cosmic card key at the pearly gates, I won't be in the coffin anyway because some underhanded undertaker has sold my heart, liver, pancreas, and other assorted good 'n' plenties to the same Santeria cult. So does anyone really wonder why anyone is hanging on to sanity by the atoms on the tips of their fingernails while life dirty dances on their digits? And is it really any wonder that I seem deranged?" -Eric Duckman "There; now no one can say I don't own John Larroquette's spine." -Bender {Futurama} "Hey, Fry. You want me to smack the corpse up a little?" -Bender {Futurama} "You really think this species is ready to go to the other planets?" -Bill Maher "Animation is so great. It's WAY better than... whatever the alternative is." -Homer Simpson "Anthony Hopkins, a dedicated method actor, brought astonishing realism to his role as Hannibal in Silence of the Lambs by killing and eating three grips and a wardrobe supervisor over the course of filming." -Lore Sj?berg "John Malkovich spent several years as John Malcovich in order to prepare for his role as John Malcovich in Being John Malkovich. He is said to have learned this technique from his friend and mentor, Mr. T. Co-stars say he was so into the role that he remains John Malkovich to this day just in case the rumored sequel (Still John Malcovich) is ever made." -Lore Sj?berg "Look, my client may be legally sane, but it doesn't mean he's not crazy." -{Law & Order} "Forget that; what's life like under the sea? Does your skin get wrinkly? Does algae pose a personal hygiene problem?" -Paige Matthews {Charmed} "This is exactly what I was talking about. Good people don't turn other people into water coolers." -Phoebe Halliwell {Charmed} "He's saying that you are so wrong he can't even figure out where to start, which I think means that you are right and he is an idiot." -/.AC "You're not as stupid as you look... or sound... or our best testing indicates." -C. Montgomery Burns {The Simpsons} "Don't worry, I got everything under control. If anyone gets out of hand, they will have to face THE VIBRATING SHEEP OF DEATH!!!" -Dom {MegaTokyo} "With the joy of responsibility comes the burden of obligation." -Hank Hill {King of the Hill} "Once you head down the dark path, forever will it dominate your destiny... and you get dental." -WC3 Acolyte "Pathetic human race. Arranging their knowledge by category just made it easier to absorb. Dewey, you fool, your decimal system has played right into my hands." -{Futurama} "Oh, sure; laugh now. Just wait until I get that Nobel... beet... prize." -Alton Brown {Good Eats} "This is really, very, very British... and I mean that in a good way." -Alton Brown {Good Eats} "At first I had issues with Alton Brown for being a smug, know-it-all smartass. Then I thought about how often those very words are probably used by countless other to describe me when I'm not around (considering how often they're used when I am), so I couldn't help but feel a certain warm kinship." -Tarik Dozier "It's a bit early in the morning for me to be saying 'thank you' to anyone, but if I could mean it, I would." -Howard Hessman "I don't have that kind of money to spend on sex." -Marge Simpson "I always knew I'd die at the bottom of a pit... BUT A PIT OF TAR?!" -Leela {Futurama} "I respect and admire Harold Zoid too much to beat him to death with his own Oscar." -Calculon {Futurama} "The extraordinary takes extraordinary amounts of effort." -Genevieve Gorder {Trading Spaces}