"If you'll excuse me... I must seek knowledge and its bastard son, truth." -(The State) Q. Kennedy- "What is your greatest fear?" A. Trent Reznor- "Being married to you." "I think life is about nakedness." -Daisy Fuentes "Wow, Daisy Fuentes and nakedness all on one line." -Daniel Howard "At least my computer can divide [as opposed to a Pentium]." -Christopher Peterson "The term, 'PC clone', often fits many of the users just as well as the machines, if not better." -Tarik Dozier "I asked a user if he was using his program under Windows. He said, 'No. My desk is by the door -- but you know, you make a good point. Tony sits under a window, and his program is working fine.'" -unknown tech support guy "Well, some users more than others..." -Tarik Dozier "Uh, yeah... I'd like to report a nude woman at the 7-11... in about fifteen minutes." -Scott Thompson (Kids in the Hall) "Power is coming out of the bathroom with toilet paper on your shoe, and making it work for you." -Margaret Cho "I've got Leslie on the other line, and your Daddy's standing on his head... can I have him call you back?" -Judy Dozier "The avalanche has already begun; it is too late for the pebbles to vote." -Kosh (Babylon 5) "May whatever god you believe in... have mercy on your soul." -Q (ST:TNG "All Good Things") "Left! Left! Left, you idiot, left! No, that's right: the opposite of left! We want to go left!" -Rachel Bild, Tarik Dozier, Margaret Dunne, & Anna Mangahas "People ignore the strange and unusual. I, myself, am... strange and unusual." -Lydia Dietes (Beetlejuice) "Whoa, whoa! Hold on there little girl...we don't want to buy any cookies today, OK? So why don't you just go back and tell your crazed den mother to send her mindless drones into somebody else's land of goshen, all right? Because we know where the money goes to anyway... interplanetary terrorism!" -Chris Peterson (Get A Life) "I used to be a bitch and just thought it was my problem. Now, I've learned to make it everyone else's problem, too." -Janis Cortese "All creatures will make merry... under pain of death." -Ming the Merciless (Flash Gordon) "Gone crazy. Back later." -Adrian Hart "The views expressed by the author are not even necessarily her own." -Naomi Zikmund-Fisher "You can lead a horticulture, but you can't make her think." -Dorothy Parker "I am Pentium of Borg, Division is Futile. You will be approximated." -Mark Palmer "What's the ugliest part of your body? Some say your nose, some say your toes, but I think it's your mind." -Frank Zappa "Not even nothing is as simple as it seems." -Barry Gehm "If there's anything more important than my ego around here, I want it caught and shot now." -Beeblebrox "For a well-rounded education, you could try curling up with good books and bad librarians." -Richard Needham "The desire for safety stands against every great and noble enterprise." -Tacitus "? huh, od ot retteb gnihtoN" -John Kortink "Play an accordion; go to prison. It's the law." -Dave Atherton "Imagination is the true virtual reality." -S. Docksey "The only difference between myself and a madman is that I am not mad!" -Salvador Dali "No, I'm Canadian.... It's like an American, but without a gun." -David Foley (Kids in the Hall) "And if you have any questions, ask someone else! There's a rumor going around that I'm very busy right now." -Lord Julius (Cerebus) "I don't care if you're black and ignorant, white and ignorant, or Puerto Rican and ignorant. But as long as you're ignorant, I don't like you." -Unknown "It's Becky... she says she's the devil." -Tarik Dozier "They say that blacks are inferior because they have more criminal records and they score lower on white people's IQ tests. Well, I don't know about you, but if I was raised in the ghetto, I know I'd be out ripping off Whitey and forgetting the capital of Maine." -Scott Thompson as Buddy Cole (Kids in the Hall) "Beavis, you're a damn weirdo." -Butt-head "Yeah. I'm not from here, you know." -Beavis "What single word typifies both 'communication' and 'service' better than the word 'intercourse'?" -Jon Roma "Nothing was going to stop the squirrel, anyway." -Janne G:son Berg "Mejor morir de pie que vivir toda una vida arrodillados." "It is better to die on your feet than to live a lifetime on your knees." -Emiliano Zapata "You should use the pain and sorrow to fill you up with power." -Bjork Gudmundsdottir "None of you will ever know my intentions." -Kurt Cobain "The revolution is not a hat!" -Rick Valentin "Of course, there are always those that are talking about weird accidents involving lime Jell-o, small rodents, and duct tape." -Ethereal Ceral "To anyone that actively disagreed with me, you can still go fuck yourselves." -Byron Barry "If I were Human, I believe my response would be, 'Go to Hell...' If I were Human." -Captain Spock (Star Trek VI) "alt.flame Special Forces: When they absolutely, positively have to be spanked off the net overnight." -Max Field "Consensus is the negation of leadership." -Margaret Thatcher "And as you go, always remember the immortal last words of my grandfather who said, 'A truck...!'" -Emo Phillips "Good taste is the enemy of creativity." -Pablo Picasso "An integral part of any relationship is knowing that you could be killed in your sleep at any time." -Trent Reznor "I see Microsoft as having two goals for the last decade, to copy Macintosh and to copy Lotus' success in the application market. And they've accomplished those goals, but now they're kind of lost. I've told Bill [Gates] that it's in Microsoft's best interest if NeXT succeeds because it will give them something to copy for the rest of the decade." -Steve Jobs "Overnight successes take a long time. It takes perseverance. You just have to keep on going." -Steve Jobs "I get turned on by being independent - to be different than others. And that's a situation I find myself in very often. Why? - that's up to a psychiatrist to answer." -Bjork Gudmundsdottir "All people have their own way of dealing with everyday problems. Some go for walks, others get drunk and some get laid. I write songs." -Bjork Gudmundsdottir "Don't you know that the Devil is in league with Christ?!" -(Naked Theater Dracula) "This web project is the most self-indulgent, egotistical thing I have ever done in my life. But the day is young. I can top it." -Scott Adams (on his page) "Seems she'll be confined to an unknown dimension for a finite number of years to be determined later. She was sorry. She will be sorrier. HAHAHAHA..." -Rose Marshack "Watch carefully as I apply the steel-belted radial nipple clamps." -Jenn Lewis "Why did you hit Leigh Anne?" "I had to, 'cause she hit me back first!" "Why did you bite Aaron?" "Well, Laurence hit me!" "Why did you bite _Aaron_ then?" "Laurence ran away!" -two conversations between Amy Rosenblatt-Andris and a 4 year old "I'm going to have to charge you for my entertainment fees." "I'm going to rip off your head, eat it, and then sh*t it out into the hole, so then you'll have a sh*t-head." "I'm going to kill you and then wear your hat." "You're going to have to sleep sometime. That's when I'll get you." -various members of Poster Children "I've seen a lot of music get recorded and I still have yet to meet any recording engineer I'd regard as being even *close* to sane!" -John Henderson "There are only two races; the decent and the indecent." -Victor Frank "There is only one race, and that is the human race." -Universal Truth "Since this is LA and Howie our drummer just ate dinner next to Snoop-Doggy-Dog at a chicken+waffle restaurant last night (Snoop didn't recognize him), I decide that my situation could still be normal, and it is still safe for me to drive. When I pass the Simpsons (not O.J.) in a station wagon, I decide that something's wrong with me and that I should pull off..." -Rose Marshack "What I don't understand is why we keep naming our machines after things that suck." -Jon Roma, CCSO systems administrator, on vortex.cso.uiuc.edu, cyclone.cso, etc... "No, it's just my dream job; working as a toll booth operator on I-294." -Howie Kantoff "My dream job is to be able to work at Kinko's, and have access to that color copier. I could wreak havoc with 24-hour free color. printer. access." -Rose Marshack "Language is a form of human reason, which has its internal logic of which man knows nothing." -Claude Levi-Strauss "Engineers have no creativity. (Before you go email bombing me, remember, I'm an engineer too.)" -Rose Marshack "Guns don't kill people.... People with bowling balls kill people!" -Jeff Absher "In theory there is no difference between practice and theory, but in practice there is." -Dave Jeske "She's the healthiest member of her species I've ever seen. She's the only member of her species I've ever seen. You have a beautiful brain, it will make a lovely addition to our files." -Dr. Zimmerman (ST: Voyager) "Siggi is always drumming - can't stir his coffee without a little rhythmic excursion round the cup with his teaspoon. It's a bit disconcerting when you're trying to discuss impending nuclear holocaust or the future of man, but I'm sure it's all these little practices that make him so good." -John Henderson "The truth is usually just an excuse for a lack of imagination." -Elan Garek {ST:DS9} "Dismissed.... That's a Starfleet expression for 'get out.'" -Capt. Kathryn Janeway {ST:Voyager} "I think you'll find that random and unprovoked executions will keep your workforce alert and motivated." -Maj. Kira Nherys {ST:DS9} "You see, the one constant in commercials is sex. A rule that's both... hard and fast, so to speak." -Kelsey Grammer "I say, 'Gaze into the hypnotic power of my evil eye!' Now is there a follow-up question?" -Duke Phillips {The Critic} "Now if you'll excuse me, I've gotta put on some leather and go get spanked." -Duke Phillips {The Critic} "Remember: it's all fun and games, until someone loses an eye. Then it's a sport." -A. "A cynic is an optimist who's been hurt too many times." -J. Lindquist "And an optimist is someone that's been hurt too many times and is too STUPID to notice." -R. Venkateswar "Congratulations! You've found the Dilbert Home Page. This is a sure indication that you are a little bit smarter and a little bit sexier than the people who are, for example, looking at the Smithsonian web site." -Scott Adams "On the other hand, there is also the more widely accepted theory that Calculus is there simply to fuck up college freshmen." -Uncle Aaron "Don't try this at home, unless you find the idea of a slow, painful death somewhat appealing." -Kurt Loeder "Anne, that is NOT the proper way to deliver spit!" -Charley Kline "If you take home anything, let it be your will to think the more cynical you become, the better off you'll be." -The Offspring, "Something To Believe In" "I always knew there was something fundamentally wrong with the universe." -Arthur Dent "I've got the right to be an idiot, and I've got the right to be clever... both at the same time. And I refuse to be only one or the other. I INSIST to be happy...." -Bjork Gudmundsdottir "Believe me, nothing is trivial." -Eric Draven {The Crow} "My superior endurance will allow me to stay awake indefinitely." -UIUC School of Architecture "If we are not the geekiest band in the world, I don't know who is." -Rose Marshack (Poster Children) "Non-computer-users will [evolve to] grow tails, sit in zoos, and fling dung at tourists." -Scott Adams "Let's put crap in our hand and throw it at people! Y'know, no matter how much you evolve, it's still pretty damn funny." -Crow T. Robot {MST3K} "Actually, the first thing I had done upon arrival at the stage was plug this PowerBook in to re-charge it, and during the set at different times, I kept thinking to myself, 'We are recharging our PowerBook. We are recharging our PowerBook. It is not fully charged yet. We must keep playing." -Rose Marshack "Howie and I were going crazy, just trying to figure out a way to provoke the audience into at least moving! Howie wanted to moon the audience; I was going to take my shirt off. I don't even think they would have noticed. How weird." -Rose Marshack "I haven't lost my mind... I have it backed up on tape somewhere." -Keith Meidling "I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather, not screaming in terror like his passengers." -Jim Larkin "Well, I don't know about *you*, honey, but *I* personally sleep better at night knowing I'm protected by an army of combat dykes." -Jennifer Camper "One snap of my fingers, and I can raise hemlines so high that the world is your gynecologist." -Jennifer Saunders as Edina Monsoon {Absolutely Fabulous} "We are as strangers, and I'm not unhappy about that. I'm just not one of those women who spends her free afternoons squatted over a small hand mirror." -Edina Monsoon {Absolutely Fabulous} on her vagina, so to speak "If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no use being a damn fool about it." -W.C. Fields "I hate broccoli. And yet, in a certain sense, I am broccoli. Kind of ironic, isn't it?" -The Tick "Villains always have antidotes. They're funny that way." -The Tick "Destiny is a funny thing. Once I thought I was destined to become Emperor of Greenland, sole monarch over its 52,000 inhabitants. Then I thought I was destined to build a Polynesian longship in my garage. I was wrong then, but I've got it now...." -The Tick "I speak only for myself, my invisible wolf, that star on the right, and the annoying voice in my head, but no one else." -Andrew Wadycki "Those who are easily offended should be offended more often." -Mae West "Yes, go ahead and push the outside of the envelope, but don't respond with anger when the envelope rips." -Chris Garrigues "When you look at the stars do you see yourself simultaneously as infinite and infintesimal?" -Tarik Thami "You're watching Fox. Give us ten minutes; we'll give you an ass." -Jaye Sherman {The Critic} "The act of putting fear and terror into a story is very theraputic for me." -Anne Rice "One thing I hope I'll never be is drunk with my own power. And anybody who says I am will never work in this town again." -Jim Carrey "I'm obsessed with extremes. I hate the fact that I'm meant to be this very gentle feminine creature who therefore can't be rude or like punk music." -Bjork Gudmundsdottir "If I want to think about having sex with eighty-seven peacocks, I can, and it's not a crime. But in reality they mightn't be up for it, you know?" -Bjork Gudmundsdottir "Remember, there is power in numbers. And power is the ultimate aphrodisiac. So if you have an important date planned, bring us all with you. It can only help." -Scott Adams "Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies." -A. "Anybody hell-bent on world domination will just end up looking like a big snickerdoodle." -Joel Hodgeson (MST3K) "Information is a virus. The net is the means of transmission. Bureaucracy, centralization, ignorance, and tyranny are its victims. There is no cure." -Bryan Venable "We're Starfleet officers. Weird is part of the job." -Capt. Kathryn Janeway {ST:Voyager} "Amateur programmers will always use goto whenever it seems convenient, and amateur web designers will always try to do page layout. Professional programmers use more advanced techniques to ensure code reuse and longevity. Professional document designers will too." -Paul Prescod "The story so far: In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move." -DeAnne DeWitt "I am enough of an artist to draw freely upon my imagination. Imagination is more important than knowledge. Knowledge is limited. Imagination encircles the world." -Albert Einstein