"I want my voice to be used as a tool, not to be wasted on foolishness."
-Beth Payne

"Hey, I saw Kate and Leopold at the behest of my girlfriend, and I survived 
without rolling grenades down the aisle or slaughtering the entire audience 
so that they would no longer have to subject themselves to the cinematic 
carnage."
-jbonole

"Yeah, that's what they all say. They all say, 'd'oh.'"
-Chief Clancy Wiggum {The Simpsons}

"He's not that great; I know I could've beaten him if I hadn't lost both of
my legs. Stupid Saiyan monkey!"
-Frieza {DBZ}

"But all in all, the way some are acting - as though they are being insulted
by the awful acting throughout [the sequel] - are being silly, given that
it's the same cast who ALSO ham-fisted their way through similar stuff in 
the original."
-faz_2000

"When you were in that coma, did you feel your brain getting damaged?"
-Dr. Nick Riviera {The Simpsons}

"Society in general seems to be in a moral tailspin, and a lot of it has
to do with not accepting personal responsibility. Any tragedy, be it minor
or major, is always someone else's fault. It's no different in sports.  
After winning, everyone basks in whatever individual glory they can grab
onto. After losing, everyone tries to sidestep blame. But, when something
goes bad, it's almost always the fault of the guy in the mirror... or the
guy in the coffin."
-Mark Madden

"Blondes do have more fun."
-Tom's assessment of the transformation to Super Saiyan {Toonami}

"Get a grip! The entire universe is at stake; let him trash our planet if 
he wants to!"
-Elder Supreme Kai {DBZ}

"In this fight, one minute is an eternity."
-Vegeta, master of the self-aware allusion {DBZ}

"Babies don't need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach."
-Steven Wright

"I said, 'shut up,' as in, 'close your mouth and stop talking.'"
-Cmdr. William Riker {ST:TNG}

"I'm not much for public speaking... or much for speaking... or, come to 
think of it, much for the public. And I'm not very good at lying."
-Daria Morgendorffer

"Otherwise, my advice is, stand firm for what you believe in, until and
unless logic and experience prove you wrong. Remember, when the emperor
looks naked, the emperor is naked; the truth and a lie are not sort of the
same thing. And there's no aspect, no facet, no moment of life that can't
be improved with pizza."
-Daria Morgendorffer

"Well, I'll just have to take my own word for it."
-Tarik Dozier

"I don't think I've ever seen so much fake semen in my life. What was the 
budget for this movie anyway?"
-Tara

"Did you ever notice how many really stupid people you run into during the
day? And it doesn't take you very long to spot one of them, does it? It'll
take you about eight seconds. You'll be listening to some guy, and you'll
say, 'this guy is fucking stupid!' Then there are some people, they're not
stupid; they're full of shit. That doesn't take very long to spot either,
does it? It'll take you about the same amount of time. You'll be listening
to some guy, thinking, 'well, he's fairly intelligent.... Aahht, he's full
of shit!'"
-George Carlin

"Gee, Quinn, I never knew stalking was in the eye of the beholder."
-Sandi Griffin {Daria}

"Well, as you have used your opinions to attempt to dispute known facts,
meanwhile refusing to substantiate these things you think are true, I'll
simply give the obvious, concise, crowd-pleasing response. 'Who cares what
you think?'"
-Tarik Dozier

"No fair! You can't flash back to stuff we saw ten seconds ago!"
-Crow T. Robot {MST3K}

Natalie: "How should I know, Dana? I was speaking metaphorically."
Dana:    "Well, you should let me know when you're going to do that."
-Natalie Hurley & Dana Whitaker {Sports Night}

"This is the way the world ends 
 This is the way the world ends 
 This is the way the world ends 
 Not with a bang but a whimper."
-T.S. Eliot, "The Hollow Men"

"So that's how our little entertainment ends. Not with a whimper, but with 
a... TWAKK! Pretty amusing, eh?"
-Mr. Gone {The Maxx}

"How positively delightful! It's as if someone stabbed Mr. Bubble!"
-Stewart Griffin {Family Guy}

"Anyone who think that this thread represents the real view of someone has 
an opinion of the human race that has been tragically shattered by bitter 
experience."
-Icelander

"This advice, however, is only applicable if you want stop appearing foolish."
-Tarik Dozier

"Missing... the captain is missing. It seems I've found myself on a voyage
of the damned. Very well; please advise the highest ranking officer who is
not missing to see me at his earliest convenience."
-The Doctor {ST:Voyager}

"Martha Stewart is a true rebel and always has been. Actually, she's been
more like a benevolent dictator in her own organization, the goal of which
was and is to dominate the homes of Mr. and Mrs. America. Who needs to be
the first female President of the United States when you can control how
the country decorates their homes and feeds their families? Brilliant, I
tell ya."
-Joh Padgett

Daria: "Only Quinn could turn having brains into a fad."
Jane:  "You know how fads are. Today it's brains, tomorrow, pierced tongues.
       Then the next day, pierced brains."
-Daria Morgendorffer & Jane Lane

"Right now I am having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I've 
forgotten this before."
-Steven Wright

"It's a hard world, Ocono. There's always enough blame t'go around."
-Julie Winters {The Maxx}

"The end shot of an unburnt Kane only served to confuse the audience and
leave them without any sort of explanation, giving them a week to ponder
how inconceivable an unburnt Kane truly is. Next week maybe Kane will be
black with a Mohawk. Then after that he can be a short Chinese man. Then
he could be a midget. Then...."
-James Guttman

"Knowledge brings fear."
-Mars University {Futurama}

"With all due respect, Captain, you don't know what you're talking about."
-Counselor Deanna Troi {ST:TNG}

"Hey, you're not qualified to contradict Data. Watch my man, Geordi, step
up and pimp-slap yo' punk ass wit' his mad logic skillz, biyaaaatch."
-Tarik Dozier, talking out loud to Star Trek characters again

"It's good to drink your own blood! Drinking your own blood is the paragon
of recycling."
-Gary Busey {I'm With Busey}

"I didn't kill you. You're alive; you're breathing. You're going to get to 
go home and eat a Mexican pizza."
-Gary Busey {I'm With Busey}

"I'm not miserable; I'm just not like them."
-Daria Morgendorffer

"Jean-Luc, sometimes I think the only reason I come here is to listen to 
these wonderful speeches of yours."
-Q {ST:TNG}

"When you're a little kid you're a bit of everything... scientist,
philosopher, artist. Sometimes it seems like growing up is giving these 
things up one at a time."
-narrator Kevin Arnold {The Wonder Years}

"You know, being a post-apocalyptic town is going to be cool. Other towns 
will be scared of us."
-Jane Lane {Daria}

"Don't worry; I don't have low self-esteem. It's a mistake. I have low
esteem for everyone else."
-Daria Morgendorffer

"Phoebe, you brought the fictitious character back for a play date. You 
tell him."
-Piper Halliwell {Charmed}

"It was a bit later that I figured out that this is all subjective, and
as such not everyone has similar tastes. On top of that, some people are
just dumb and should simply be ignored. It's sometimes difficult to tell
the difference between someone whose opinion diverges from yours because
their experience leads them to an opposing view, or someone who's simply
misinformed because they're... just... stupid."
-Tarik Dozier

Odo:     "You are not at all what I expected." 
Lwaxana: "No one's ever paid me a greater compliment." 
-Constable Odo & Lwaxana Troi {ST:DS9}

Quark: "And I might've idly suggested that there wasn't a chance in hell 
       that any of us would get out of here alive." 
Odo:   "And that's when Morn hit you with the barstool and ran out onto 
       the Promenade screaming, 'We're all doomed.'"
Quark: "Some people just don't react well to stress."
-Quark & Constable Odo {ST:DS9}

"As far as I can make out, 'edgy' occurs when middlebrow, middle-aged
profiteers are looking to suck the energy - not to mention the spending
money - out of the 'youth culture.' So they come up with this fake concept
of seeming to be dangerous when every move they make is the result of
market research and a corporate master plan."
-Daria Morgendorffer

"Ah, arrogance and stupidity all in the same package. How efficient of you!"
-Londo Mollari {Babylon 5}

"There may be a correlation between humor and sex. The need for more
research is clearly indicated."
-Lt. Cmdr. Data {ST:TNG}

"There are still many human emotions I do not fully comprehend - anger,
hatred, revenge - but I am not mystified by the desire to be loved or the
need for friendship. These are things I do understand."
-Lt. Cmdr. Data {ST:TNG}

"I hate waking up to someone else's nightmare. I especially hate waking up 
in someone else's bathroom."
-The Maxx

"We could kill Butters and the float the cows out on a river of blood."
-Eric Cartman {South Park}

"Find some other way to feel. Then you won't feel sad."
-Daria Morgendorffer

"I don't mind it when people requisition quotes from my posts. It's just
that I found it ironic that the one that ends with, 'letting something
this profound be conveyed in words this trite,' is being used by someone
who can just barely string two marginally coherent sentences together.  
It's funny; he has yet to convey an original thought on the board that
isn't rife with significant spelling and grammar errors, thus the only
part of his posts that consistently parses clearly was typed by me."
-Tarik Dozier

"You've come to the right person. I always have an opinion."
-Capt. Kathryn Janeway {ST:Voyager}

"My hormones don't rage. Oh sure, they get mad sometimes; but then they 
just stop speaking to each other."
-Daria Morgendorffer

"I used to think it was a terrible thing that life was so unfair. Then I
thought, 'what if life WERE fair, and all of the terrible things that
happen to us came because we really deserved them?' Now I take great
comfort in the general unfairness and hostility of the universe."
-Marcus Cole {Babylon 5}

"And the dish ran away with the spoon; but Hawaii was the only state that 
would recognize the marriage as legal."
-Jane Lane {Daria}

"Cliches survive, in part, because they contain some truth."
-Toni Morrison

"Hey, we've both got a martian's phone number on our speed dial. I think I
deserve the benefit of the doubt here."
-The Flash {Justice League}

"Look, I have more creativity in my whole body than most people do before 9AM."
-Peter Griffin {Family Guy}

"If your perception is that your words are truly of value, then I think you
should choose them more carefully."
-Tarik Dozier

"G'Quon wrote, 'There is a greater darkness than the one we fight; it is the
darkness of the soul that has lost its way. The war we fight is not against
powers and principalities; it is against chaos and despair. Greater than the
death of flesh is the death of hope, the death of dreams.  Against this peril
we can never surrender. The future is all around us, waiting, in moments of
transition, to be born in moments of revelation. No one knows the shape of
that future or where it will take us. We know only that it is always born in
pain.'"
-Citizen G'Kar {Babylon 5}

Lochley:   "What the hell is your problem?"
Garibaldi: "For starters, I don't know you; therefore I don't trust you."  
Lochley:   "The world is full of people you don't know."
Garibaldi: "I worry about that all the time."
-Capt. Elizabeth Lochley & Michael Garibaldi {Babylon 5}

Sheridan: "Are you trying to cheer me up?"
Ivanova:  "No sir, wouldn't dream of it."
Sheridan: "Good, I hate being cheered up."
Ivanova:  "In that case we're all going to die slow, agonizing deaths."
Sheridan: "Thank you, I feel so much better now."
-Capt. John Sheridan & Susan Ivanova {Babylon 5}

"IT IS HOTTER THAN THE BUTT-CRACK OF SATAN OUTSIDE!!! Not that I know from
personal experience, mind you."
-Kathleen Dickason

"As a Betelgeusean, I would like to lodge a complaint. Slashdot is becoming
waaaaaay too Milky Way-centric."
-/.AC

"I just want to be a good engineer."
-Steve Wozniak

"When others do a foolish thing, you should tell them it is a foolish thing.
They can still continue to do it, but at least the truth is where it needs 
to be."
-Dukhat {Babylon 5}

"As far as I'm concerned, a movie that gets a 'PG' rating means the director
or scriptwriter pulled punches and sacrificed content so the uptight 
censorship idiots won't get their chastity belts in a knot. The real world 
features violence, nudity, sex, and offensive language and concepts."
-EvilAlien

"Gary asked me to come to a secret place because he had something special
he wanted to show me. Yeah, I know how that sounds, but I went anyway,
because I'm dumb."
-Adam {I'm With Busey}

"Don't be afraid when you dream about dying; it comes with the dinner on 
the unconscious menu."
-Gary Busey {I'm With Busey}

"That someone would take the time to post to an IMDb message board to ask
which role a particular actor played in a film is irrefutable evidence of
the existence of extraordinary stupidity in the world."
-Tarik Dozier

"Somewhere in DOWNTOWN BURBANK a prostitute is OVERCOOKING a LAMB CHOP!!"
-Zippy the Pinhead

"In science, if you can't prove your work, then you haven't actually done
anything. If you can tell me that the sky is blue, it's only marginally
useful information unless you can tell me why. Eventually the sky will
turn yellow, red, and black, and your earlier observation will be mooted."
-Tarik Dozier

"Yeah, that's Sonny. He's been praying since he was just a little bitty 
boy. Sometimes he talks to the Lord, and sometimes he yells at the Lord. 
Tonight he just happens to be yellin'."
-Mrs. Dewey, Sr. {The Apostle}

"You want the Lord to watch me kick your ass?"
-Troublemaker {The Apostle}

"In promulgating your esoteric cogitations, or articulating your superficial
sentimentalities and amicable, philosophical or psychological observations,
beware of platitudinous ponderosity. Let your conversational communications
possess a clarified conciseness, a compact comprehensibleness, coalescent
consistency, and a concatenated cogency.  Eschew all conglomerations of
flatulent garrulity, jejune babblement and asinine affectations. Let your
extemporaneous descantings and unpremeditated expatiations have 
intelligibility and veracious vivacity, without rhodomontade or thrasonical
bombast. Sedulously avoid all polysyllabic profundity, pompous prolixity,
psittaceous vacuity, ventriloquial verbosity and vaniloquent vapidity. Shun
double-entendres, purient pscosity, and pestiferous profanity, obscurant or
apparent."
-Mark Twain

Salesperson:  "You wear this [perfume], and you'll have to fight the men 
              off with a stick!"
Wonder Woman: "Believe me, I don't need a stick."
-{Justice League}

"Of course they're hiding something; they're EVIL."
-Piper Halliwell {Charmed}

"The advocate will refrain from making her opponent disappear."
-Lt. Cmdr. Data {ST:TNG}

"Hello, China. I have something you want, but it's gonna cost you. That's 
right... ALL the tea."
-Peter Griffin {Family Guy}

Gary: "Let me inform you of something. Don't touch any of the products 
      here in this store. If you break anything, these guys have the right 
      to make you buy it."
Adam: "Oh, that's the bad end of technology?"
Gary: "No, that's the stupid end of you."
-Gary Busey & Adam {I'm With Busey}

"Robot penis? Put that down. That's not the robot penis; we're not doing that."
-Gary Busey {I'm With Busey}

"Malice is like a game of poker or tennis; you don't play it with anyone who
is manifestly inferior to you."
-A.

"While I admit that 'lame' doesn't have the same qualitative value as 
'mediocre,' let's not think that 'mediocre' is a good thing."
-dpangani

"The vast majority of movies are bad. In strong contrast to the rarity of
the excellent film, it is not difficult to discover a truly awful film. As
such, the reason why I think badly of most people who show up on message
boards to render negative criticisms of a few films here and there is not
because they disagree with my assessment of its merits, nor because they
have chosen to 'waste' their energies on negativity. Alas, they might have
nothing better to do, which is ample reason to pity them, not to harbor
ill will. Instead, my low opinion of these people exists because they show
no real dedication to the task. There are thousands upon thousands of
crappy suck films out there for them to pan, and they're not even close. 
Now get to work, slackers!"
-Tarik Dozier

"Okay, but I'd really rather talk about hot dogs."
-Goku {DBZ}

"Someone stole Santa? That does NOT ROCK!" 
-Gene Simmons, "KISS Saves Santa" {Family Guy}

"There's really nothing you can't do with a good stick pokin'."
-Jon Stewart

"Welcome aboard the Yellow Fever. I am your captain, Driver Stu Benedict. 
Our travelling time will be approximately two hours and twenty-five minutes,
and we will be travelling at a speed of fifty-five miles per hour, cruising
steadily away from the SHATTERED REMAINS OF MY LIFE!"
-Stu Benedict {The Adventures of Pete & Pete}

"This is your driver, Stu, with an update on our new onboard regulations.
Passengers will refrain from KILLING MY SOUL!"
-Stu Benedict {The Adventures of Pete & Pete}

"I don't care what the voices tell you; you do not need a special omelet pan."
-Alton Brown {Good Eats}

"AB, I never joke about my work."
-W {Good Eats}

"Question authority. They usually know where the bathroom is."
-Daria Morgendorffer

"There are two kinds of toilet paper in this bathroom. I, and I alone, get 
the fluffy kind."
-Dick Solomon {3rd Rock From the Sun}

"That maniac is blaring out polka music, son! Sweaty men in lederhosen
squeezing accordians!"
-Don Wrigley {The Adventures of Pete & Pete}

"Soon you will be like cheese, boy - melty, melty, melty!"
-Artie {The Adventures of Pete & Pete}

"Hey, you wear cartoony underwear, you're begging to have your clothes stolen."
-Eric Duckman

"Resume your disorder."
-Seven of Nine, Tertiary Adjunt of Unimatrix 01 {ST:Voyager}

"A pity he uses his talents for evil rather than entertaining children at 
birthday parties."
-The Streak {Justice League}

"I'm sorry, you seem to have failed again to demonstrate your sense of
humour, although your persistence is admirable. Do not worry; your dogged
perseverance will be vaguely amusing to us."
-Icelander

"I'm gonna finish that haircut for ya, you half-pint beauty school reject!"
-Goku {DBZ}

"Don't hassle the dead, boy; they have eeeerie powers."
-Homer Simpson

"You see, life is like that. We change, that's all. You see, the guy I am 
now is not the guy I was then. If the guy I was then met the guy I am now,
he'd beat the shit out of me. Those are the facts."
-Stevo {SLC Punk!}

"So what else could I do? I mean, there's no future in anarchy, I mean,
let's face it. But when I was into it, there was never a thought of the
future. We were certain that the world was gonna end; but when it didn't,
I had to do something. So fuck it. I could always be a litigator in New
York and piss the shit out of the judges. I mean, that was me, a
troublemaker with a future, the guy that was one of those guys that my
parents so arrogantly saved the world for... so we could fuck it up. You
can do a hell of a lot more damage in the system than outside of it. That
was the final irony, I think. That and, well, this.... Fuck you, you're
already thinkin' it. I guess when all was said and done, I was nothing
more than a goddamn, trendy-assed poser!"
-Stevo {SLC Punk!}

"I swear, you are the most handsome president; and you smell like cherries!"
-Mom {Dexter's Laboratory}

"If I had a dollar for every time an owl turned into a hot guy on our front 
porch, I'd be rr...."
-Phoebe Halliwell {Charmed}

"I swear to God, I've seen this in a movie somewhere."
-Piper Halliwell {the episode of Charmed obviously patterned after Ladyhawk}