"Argue for your limitations, and sure enough, they're yours." -Richard Bach "A man's gotta do what... his judgment tells him circumstances require." -Cornfed {Duckman} "Competition is a by-product of productive work, not its goal. A creative man is motivated by the desire to achieve, not by the desire to beat others." -Ayn Rand "Focusing all of your anger on me leaves you blinded to the real evils of this world." -Death {Charmed} "A man is not old until regrets take the place of dreams." -John Barrymore "The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right place but to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment." -Dorothy Nevill "From what I've heard, many people seem to have a problem with figuring out the perfect retorts for the conversations and debates in which they find themselves in their day to day lives, only to realize them minutes or hours after it would have been effective. I don't really have this problem, which, apparently, is my 'problem.'" -Tarik Dozier "May your views turn out to be obscene humour, for if they be real, I fear I shall lose faith in humanity." -Icelander "Poetry is just the evidence of life. If your life is burning well, poetry is just the ash." -Leonard Cohen "Any alleged 'right' of one man, which necessitates the violation of the rights of another, is not and cannot be a right." -Ayn Rand "Beware the fury of a patient man." -John Dryden, "Absalom and Architophel" "The only man who behaved sensibly was my tailor; he took my measurement anew every time he saw me, while all the rest went on with their old measurements and expected them to fit me." -George Bernard Shaw "Well, I'm my own biggest critic... but I think it's genius!" -Bart Simpson "Look out, crime; I'm gonna take a bite outta you! But... not in a way that you're gonna find pleasurable." -Stripperella "Thanks! I can't tell you how many times I've gotten out of a perilous situation because of an unusual gadget that had been conveniently given to me earlier that day." -Stripperella "You live in a world in which Baywatch was once the most widely-watched television program. With a track record like that, why should it matter to you what else is popular?" -Tarik Dozier "If your happiness depends on what somebody else does, I guess you do have a problem." -Richard Bach "Thanks, by the way; I live for ass-kissing, especially if it is against people's will and forced upon them by the sheer glory of my being." -Icelander "I HUNGER FOR ASSMEATS, BITCH!" -Teena {I Feel Sick} "Your sacrifice is meaningless; you don't even deserve to be called a fool." -Millions Knives {Trigun} "Well, I guess I'll give it another try. It's like I always tell the kids, 'a quitter never wins, and don't trust whitey.'" -Lois Griffin {Family Guy} "This user is responsible for trying to be amusing in some rather immature and unoriginal ways, but for me, the place here was assured when she made comments that reflected a relationship with reality that bordered on divorced. Most certainly separated, involved in several disputes over the estate, far from being on speaking terms." -Icelander "Early on, I had to choose between honest arrogance and hypocritical humility. I chose honest arrogance and have seen no reason to change since then." -Bertrand Russel "And you get this show for free, so shut up." -Cartoon Network [adult swim] "Forgive the lack of warning, but it's time for my daily massacre! If you don't believe I am the real thing, take a good look at me and start freaking out!" -Vash the Stampede {Trigun} "At that moment the Chosen One learned a valuable lesson. Those iron claws hurt like crap, man!" -Narrator {Kung Pow! Enter the Fist} "I mean, crap, man! Look at that! That's, like, his stomach plug on the ground back there; you don't see that every day. That doesn't really even seem possible if you think about it... with all those body organs and cartilage and bones. I mean, I'm no doctor, but that was, like, one clean chunk!" -Narrator {Kung Pow! Enter the Fist} "I now officially know too much." -The Chosen One {Kung Pow! Enter the Fist} "In any conflict between two men (or two groups) who hold the same basic principles, it is the more consistent one who wins. In any collaboration between two men (or two groups) who hold different basic principles, it is the more evil or irrational one who wins. When opposite basic principles are clearly and openly defined, it works to the advantage of the rational side; when they are not clearly defined, but are hidden or evaded, it works to the advantage of the irrational side." -Ayn Rand "Every time you channel surf, an Eskimo baby is clubbed like a seal. See what you did?! Just kidding... kinda." -Swimfan33 [adult swim] "Where'd you get that one from, anime?" -Naota Nandaba {FLCL} "When you see a John Woo film, it's comforting to know how shallow the world really is." -Haruko Haruhara {FLCL} "Hmm... yes, but keep in mind; it's possible that I'm QUITE horrendously insane. That's the fuck of it; you know, the old thing about the crazy person who never KNOWS they're crazy. It could just be an imperceptible shifting of accepted realities. It's all REALLY interesting." -Johnny C. {Johnny the Homicidal Maniac} "Ahh, my pizza... and a ninja!" -"Endless" Mike Hellstrom {The Adventures of Pete & Pete} "I read the script, and I think it would help my character's motivation if he was on fire." -Bender Rodriguez {Futurama} "Oh, but you can, though you may have to metaphorically make a deal with the devil. And by 'devil,' I mean 'Robot Devil.' And by 'metaphorically,' I mean 'get your coat.'" -Bender Rodriguez {Futurama} "I have had ENOUGH of your duck-throwing for one afternoon!" -Wind Bear (Mandark's dad) {Dexter's Laboratory} "Every movement that seeks to enslave a country, every dictatorship or potential dictatorship, needs some minority group as a scapegoat which it can blame for the nation's troubles and use as a justification of its own demand for dictatorial powers. In Soviet Russia, the scapegoat was the bourgeoisie; in Nazi Germany, it was the Jewish people; in America, it is the businessmen." -Ayn Rand "Soul for sale: good working order, one lady owner. Prefer Lucifer to Microsoft, but will accept best offer." -girl_geek_antinomy "There are vile things growing in here." -Douglas Wilson {Trading Spaces} "Except for the fact that he was mentally ill and I was undead, it was starting to feel like a pretty normal date." -George Lass {Dead Like Me} "You've got to humor the insane." -Al Snow "Isn't it time you stopped trying to improve yourself in any way?" -Bender Rodriguez {Futurama} "You know what's always cheered me up? Laughing at other people's misfortune!" -Bender Rodriguez {Futurama} "Ah, my ridiculously circuitous plan is one-quarter complete!" -Robot Devil {Futurama} "This is ancient Earth's most foolish program. Why does Ross, the largest Friend, not simply eat the other five?" -Lrrr {Futurama} "The downside of being better than everyone else is that people tend to assume you are pretentious." -A. "Capitalism doesn't make things cheaper than anarchy; it just barrages you with marketing until you thing that you're getting a better deal." -Lennon Day-Reynolds "Please stop building robots! First they're cleaning carpets of dirt, next they'll be cleaning Earth of humans!" "I, for one, welcome our new vacuum cleaner overlords." -/.ACs "I recommend buying enough explosives to blow up TEN SUPERCOMPUTERS along with any Roomba, just in case it does decide to kill off your family." -NotAnotherReboot "And so I ask you this one question. Have you ever tried simply turning off the TV, sitting down with your children... and hitting them?" -Bender Rodriguez {Futurama} "You're watching Futurama: the show that does not advocate the cool crime of robbery." -Bender Rodriguez {Futurama} Jaffen: "It wasn't that funny, Tuvok." Tuvok: "On the contrary, the man was ignorant of how your species procreates. His attempt to disparage you ultimately humiliated him. Irony is often a source of humor." Jaffen: "Yes... well, when you explain it like that... it's not funny at all." -Jaffen & Tuvok {ST:Voyager} "Maybe all that sarcasm is compromising your natural charm." -The Doctor {ST:Voyager} "Any band that makes money from playing music has 'sold out.'" -Rose Marshack, Poster Children "Music is not new. It's not a speculative market; it's a very, very large market. It's been around for thousands of years and will be around as long as humans exist, so it's not like saying we're going to go build an information appliance or some technical curio and hope the market exists." -Steve Jobs "I've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in." -A. "I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people are just assholes." -A. "I don't know, but it's rather unsettling. Why can't I have normal dreams where I meet up with Tyra Banks or Linus Torvalds?" -Brian Briggs "I hope that you are not laboring under the misapprehension that showing me yet again how intelligent, witty, and cool you are makes you any less sexually attractive." -Kathleen Dickason "Good day, shopkeep, I require a hand-operated buzzsaw capable of cutting through a human sternum. It's for a school project. I'm some sort of student sent here for... oh blast, what the devil do they study? Uh uh... Latin class." -Stewart Griffin {Family Guy} "Idealism is what precedes experience; cynicism is what follows." -David T. Wolf "Problem solved. You two fight to the death, and I'll cook the loser. Work his gut; I like 'em tender." -Bender Rodriguez {Futurama} "We seem to be experiencing technical difficulties... and crap like I've never seen!" -Linda {Futurama} "The best way to predict the future is to invent it." -Alan Kay "Television is the first truly democratic culture - the first culture available to everybody and entirely governed by what the people want. The most terrifying thing is what people do want." -Clive Barnes "Whoa, there; it's too soon for the epilogue." -Sheriff {Trigun} "The trouble with facts is that there are so many of them." -Samuel McChord Crothers "I have a new philosophy. I'm only going to dread one day at a time." -Charlie Brown "Pay attention to the vegetable." -Seven of Nine {ST:Voyager} "Everything happens to everybody sooner or later if there is time enough." -George Bernard Shaw "If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask? Do they get smart just in time to ask questions?" -Scott Adams "You can't make up anything anymore. The world itself is a satire. All you're doing is recording it." -Art Buchwald "This comment copyright 2003 TedCheshireAcad. If you steal this shit, I'll fucking cut you." -TedCheshireAcad Carol: "I don't know why someone would call a television station just to ask a question like that, because it just makes you sound stupid." Chad: "Good job, Carol, telling off that schmuck." -Carol Costello & Chad Myers {CNN Daybreak} "Apparently SCO is now using the Chewbacca Defense." -michael "Don't you just love those individuals who expound their philosophies of nonconformity by first criticizing you for being a sheep because you think the way 'THEY' want you to think instead of, well, the way they want you to think? Apparently, conformity is fine as long as you're conforming to their ideal, and the 'they' you follow is not actually, y'know, 'THEY.'" -Tarik Dozier "There's nothing terribly wrong with feeling lost, so long as that feeling precedes some plan on your part to actually do something about it. Too often a person grows complacent with their disillusionment, perpetually wearing their 'discomfort' like a favorite shirt." -Johnny C. {JTHM} "Oh, you mean a mate. When it is time to increase the herd, the Provider will select one for me." -Rebecca Cotswold {South Park} "I am Government Man, come from the government. The government has sent me." -GIR {Invader Zim} "Wait... why is that amazing to people who aren't idiots?" -Tarik Dozier "One minute was enough, Tyler said, a person had to work hard for it, but a minute of perfection was worth the effort. A moment was the most you could ever expect from perfection. You wake up, and that's enough." -Chuck Palahniuk, "Fight Club" "People everywhere are speculating that their own personal boogeyman is responsible [for the Erie Loop blackout]. Here in New York, Mets fans are blaming Yankee fans, Brooklyn is blaming Manhattan, and everyone is kinda suspicious of Jersey." -RobotRunAmok "Aaah! I am insane with anger!" -Graham Hess {Signs} "There's a monster outside my room; can I have a glass of water?" -Bo Hess {Signs} "It's good to have power again and I still think that someone owes me for the fully stocked fridge I had to junk after the blackout. Considering the fact that I'm a wrestling fan and write for the Internet, I guess I should just blame Triple H." -James Guttman "I'm really looking forward to the Stephanie McMahon versus A-Train feud. Actually, I'm not. I just wanted to see how strange it would be to see that sentence in print." -James Guttman "The difference between spam and SPAM is the difference between unsolicited commercial email and a registered trademark. If you actually SPAM someone, it had better involve a can of meat, punk." -Tarik Dozier "Oh dear; I believe I've been scolded." -Roger Smith {Big O} "Let me give you a piece of advice, which you can either completely disregard, or file away in the area of your brain marked 'things that will make sense years from now.'" -Mikey Chalupa "Coincidence does not necessitate causality." -Tarik Dozier "Great point. If Christ wasn't a part of the whole thing, I don't think I'd have anything to do with 'Christianity.'" -Husker "They were supposed to have guns, but Night made a typo and they had gnus instead. So this farmer raised corn and wildebeest." -Yaroslav "It all started last week. I remember everything as clearly as if it were going to be reenacted right before our eyes." -Cornfed {Duckman} "It is what it is." -Greedy Herman {Cheats} Homestar: "Hey, Marzipan, can you feel that?" Marzipan: "Yeah!" Homestar: "What is that?" Marzipan: "Well, you're kicking me in the shins." Homestar: "Oh, I think I'd remember something like that." -Homestar Runner & Marzipan "The Cheat always freaks out when he sees a bear holding a shark." -Strong Bad "There's definitely something wrong with the dynamics of the situation here!" -Meryl Stryfe {Trigun} "Things get strange very quickly." -Gainax, on FuriKuri's storyline "They are called computers simply because computation is the only significant job that has so far been given to them." -A. "No, I don't usually mind seeing words uncannily similar to my own being written by numerous others. If they're not capable of finding their own words when speaking with their own voices, then they're just going to say and do what someone else tells them they should think. That someone might as well be me." -Tarik Dozier "Attacking ideas instead of people is a subtle concept, I know." -FuzzyDaddy "Uh oh; last time you were waiting outside for me, I learned about goldfish heaven." -Bobby Hill {King of the Hill} "Surely the name, 'The ONE,' gives a slight clue as to how many there are at any one time." -serialbadgerpoker "Here's a new commandment; 'Thou shalt not change thy channel.'" -Carol Costello {CNN Daybreak} "Those in my ignore list are simply there because I don't think they write much - if anything - that's actually worth reading. The mere fact that I feel that they have little or nothing of value to offer the discussion is not a reason for them to take it personally. Honestly, it's not MY fault that their messages are useless wastes of time, so I don't see why they'd want to get all huffy with me about it." -Tarik Dozier "If any parents out there are telling their children to be like anyone other than them, they're stupid parents." -Charles Barkley "That guy was the legendary gunman all along? I saw him walking down the street crying and eating doughnuts!" -{Trigun} "But it's not an easy question to answer. It's like asking if cats go to heaven or how airplanes fly. Some things just aren't meant to be known to man." -Derek Burgan Fry: "So I really am important? How I feel when I'm drunk is correct?" Nibblonian: "Yes... except the Dave Matthews Band doesn't rock." -Philip Fry & The Nibblonian {Futurama} "Come on, you guys know I don't have a problem with anger; I have a problem with idiots!" -Hank Hill {King of the Hill} "It's all part of the big illusion that we perpetuate on ourselves and in turn is perpetuated upon us. When we believe, we engage the illusion. When we stop believing, we shatter the illusion and shatter ourselves in the process because we are part of it." -Dogbert "Of all the soles I've ever tasted, his had the most... cumin." -Eric Duckman "I know I'm putting you on the spot and I'm making you uncomfortable, but I hardly ever get a chance to make you uncomfortable anymore." -Steve Austin, to Vince McMahon "Thank you; and I just want to say one more thing. I'M GOING TO OUTLIVE ALL YOU PEOPLE!" -Vince McMahon "You should never get between people and their pudding!" -Milly Thompson {Trigun} "I am known as Valentinez Alkalinella Xifax Sicidabohertz Gombigobilla Blue Stradivari Talentrent Pierre Andri Charton-Haymoss Ivanovici Baldeus George Doitzel Kaiser III. Don't hesitate to call." -Vash the Stampede {Trigun} "Crudity may be impolite, but it is also funny." -Icelander "Astronauts are bad news, I tell ya. Drivin' around at all hours of the night in their space-buggies, blasting that theme song from 2001: A Space Odyssey. Hell, just last fall, an astronaut moved into our town, and simultaneously all the leaves starting falling off all our trees." -{UCB} "This valuable life lesson has been offered to you free of charge, so either be grateful or be quiet." -Tarik Dozier