"What is wanted is not the will to believe, but the will to find out, which is the exact opposite." -Bertrand Russell "If ever there comes a time when everyone you vote for wins, and they do everything you think they should do, there will still be a gap between what is and what ought to be at home and around the world. It's just inevitable. And so people like you and me, private citizens, have more power to do public good than ever before, and we should step into the gap." -Bill Clinton, 2006 "No, thanks; I only eat unpolished rice. The nutritional value of white rice is far too low, and I think we all know that deep down inside." -{Wilbur Wants To Kill Himself} "If I understand Dirac correctly, his meaning is this: there is no God, and Dirac is his Prophet." -Wolfgang Pauli Jack: "There's gonna be a press conference at noon on Monday announcing that you two are running Studio 60. I know I can count on you to answer questions in a way that doesn't embarrass the National Broadcasting System. Will that be hard for ya?" Matt: "I don't think it would be hard for anybody, 'cause if you pointed a camera at two people masturbating, it would be among the least embarrassing things on the National Broadcasting System." Jordan: "I've already got a dual masturbation show in active development, so...." -Jack Rudolph, Matt Albie, & Jordan McDeere {Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip} "Brace yourself; your sense of entitlement may make this difficult for you to accept." -Rix "The thing about religion is that it provides a powerful language through which you can justify any ideology, whether ideologies of peace and tolerance or ideologies of fanaticism." -Reza Aslan "The beauty of religious mania is that it has the power to explain everything. Once God (or Satan) is accepted as the first cause of everything which happens in the mortal world, nothing is left to chance; logic can be happily tossed out the window." -Stephen King "Religion is excellent stuff for keeping common people quiet." -Napoleon Bonaparte "Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us most. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and famous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in all of us. And when we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others." -Maryanne Williamson "As a heathen, I've always noticed a really, really big difference between Christians and church people. Christians actually have a sense of humor and are into that whole love and forgiveness thing - concepts which I seem to have heard somewhere before - while church people are nasty, mean- spirited folks who act like they haven't had a bowel movement in months while they continue to confuse conservative political thought with simply being stupid." -yossarian100 "Censorship is an unfortunate conseqence of people who choose to elevate their own opinions to the level of zealotry. They don't like certain things that they see as undesirable elements, and that's all well and good; but instead of simply changing the channel, they would prefer to make efforts to see to it that material they find objectionable no longer exists. Yes, others could also just not watch something that doesn't agree with them, and parents could actually behave as parents and monitor that which their children consume, but why have them go through all of that trouble? People shouldn't have to shoulder the inconvenient burden of thinking for themselves when groups like the PTC and AFA can manage the heavy lifting of independent thought and personal responsibility on their behalf. Shakespeare probably put it best when he scripted the term, 'irreligious piety.' There's nothing sacred about such blatant intolerance of dissimilar world views." -Tarik Dozier "The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of virgins." -Dr. Cody "Watching this video is like being bukakked with stupid." -Maddox Jack: "What's the matter, Jo; scared of a little transdimensional radiation?" Jo: "Yeah." -Sheriff Jack Carter & Deputy Jo Luco {Eureka} "Now, I know this is hard for you to talk about, so I brought this to help. Show me on the doll where the bad user interface failed to make available options navigable." -Rob Vincent Shark: "I've always wanted to be in a band." Fitz: "No way. What do you play?" Shark: "I play... with minds. Sshhh. Go home and think about that. Umm, and... don't look under your bed." -Shark & Fitz {12 oz. Mouse} "There are things [Apple] can do to make Mac OS better and more secure, but they don't need to worry about it ever getting to the point where Windows is. Why? Because Apple is not going out of their way (spending extra money) to try to make Mac OS less secure. ActiveX didn't just invent itself; Microsoft expended money and effort to make MSIE unsuitable for the Internet. Before Outlook, mailreaders didn't automatically execute script attachments by having the user click on them. Microsoft had to make Outlook do that. As long as Apple doesn't budget money toward a 'let's make Mac OS suck on purpose' project, you don't need to worry about it." -/.AC "...I realized it is the struggle itself that is most important. We must strive to be better than we are. It does not matter that we will never reach our ultimate goal; the effort yields its own rewards." -Lt. Cmdr. Data {ST:TNG, "The Offspring"} "I'm scared of numbers that can't be written as a fraction. It's an irrational fear." -Kieran Leigh "Please be advised that you almost broke the Internet. Just stop whatever it is that got you here because it's seriously freaking us out." -adultswim.com [404] "Just a small taste of my mighty blackness." -Shark {12 oz. Mouse} "If I scream loudly enough, my opinions will influence reality." -Heinous Jay "We cannot defend freedom abroad by deserting it at home." -Edward R. Murrow "Undeliverable zombie projects have to be put down or they will simply eat up all the brains in a company." -Daniel Eran "Whether this post is ironic or sincere is left as an exercise for the reader." -idontgno Skwisgaar: "And here's my guitar made from the wood of Christ's cross." Murderface: "Get ready for a billion emails. Here comes the offended religious weirdos." Skwisgaar: "What's offensive about the most religious instrument ever?" -Skwisgaar Skwigelf & William Murderface {Metalocalypse} "Guns should be controlled, 'cause guns are out of control. See, too many people have them, but not enough people use 'em; and they need to be using 'em more. Look at this one. This is a .45 automatic T-Rex Tactical Enforcer with adjustable night-sight and self-loading hollow-point solid- steel-penetration capability. I don't even know what that means, but it's ideal for home defense. Check it out." -Fitz {12 oz. Mouse} "There are already more fantasy MMORPGs than I can shake a Dextrous Fiery Stick of Warding +8 at." -Skevin "We just spent $64,000 in that bar. So... we're going to have to get jobs, to cover up the fact that we rob banks." -Fitz {12 oz. Mouse} "I feel ever so inclined to buy a harmonica... a very rich harmonica. Covered in gold. Encrusted in diamonds. Then dipped in gold. And rolled around in more diamonds. It's deadly to vampires, you know. Or is it werewolves? I forget which one." -Rectangular Businessman {12 oz. Mouse} "I am becoming gerund, destroyer of verbs." -wiredlogic "And remember, kids, never mess with the emotions of a dangerous lunatic." -Captain Hero {Drawn Together} "There is a great and perhaps decisive battle to be fought against ignorance, intolerance and indifference. This weapon of television could be useful. Stonewall Jackson, who knew something about the use of weapons, is reported to have said, 'When war comes, you must draw the sword and throw away the scabbard.' The trouble with television is that it is rusting in the scabbard during a battle for survival." -Edward R. Murrow "To love is not to look at one another, but to look together in the same direction." -Antoine de Saint-Exupery "I meant," said Ipslore bitterly, "what is there in this world that truly makes living worth while?" Death thought about it. "Cats," he said eventually, "Cats are Nice." -Terry Pratchett, Sourcery "Idiots are fun; no wonder every village wants one." -Dr. Gregory House {House, M.D.} "I don't care about color, so long as they can help me breed a superior race." -Dr. Gregory House {House, M.D.} "Sixteen hours in the car, how many times did I say, 'no sabotaging the other inventors dressed as nuns?' At least a dozen." -Killface {Frisky Dingo} "Logic is not a problem, nor can it create them. We have the problem when the logic, however obvious, somehow evades us." -Tarik Dozier, 1994 "No one can push you beyond the point of mediocrity but yourself." -Tarik Dozier, 1994 "If it penetrates... then yes!" -Amara Gilbert "Jon, let me explain it to you this way. If you ain't got the yolk, you can't emulsify the hollandaise." -Dan Rather {The Daily Show} "Hear that? The percolations are imminent. No need to come in. Cease your ingress!" -C.M. Burns {The Simpsons} "But it has the virtue of being incomprehensible to anyone who is not an atmospheric physicist." -George Monbiot "If at first you don't succeed, then you're obviously not Chuck Norris." -A. "It's like Betty Crocker and Charles Manson had a love child, and he's cooking for me." -Anthony Bourdain {Top Chef} "Hope is not a strategy." -Sen. Hilary Clinton "[I'm a] proud member of the American Non Sequitur Society. We might not make much sense, but boy do we love pizza!" -brouski "There are two rules to success in life: 1. Don't tell people everything you know." -A. "I'm a gummy bear snob. It has to have just the right consistency or I'll throw that shit back in a bitch's face right quick!" -Laura East "And then there's the corrosive effect of hip-hop music. I enjoy a lot of it, but after hearing three tracks I have an urge to slap a ho. That can't be healthy, especially for the ho." -Scott Adams "Most art is derivative crap, especially when there's enough to pigeonhole it into a genre. I'd still rather be able to choose from a wide array of derivative crap within a genre than have to accept a single instance of a genre that someone decided was its Platonic ideal." -nuzak "Your effort to remain what you are is what limits you." -Puppet Master {Ghost in the Shell} "There's nothing less interesting than navigating into a discussion and reading two hundred attempts at reflecting the un-official group consesus of Slashdot." -Forrest Kyle "I prefer not to annually celebrate the emergence of my unclad body out of such an unsavory passage as my mother's womb." -Ms. Sensoritall {Moral Orel} "Typos are very important to all written form. It gives the reader something to look for so they aren't distracted by the total lack of content in your writing." -Randy K. Milholland "Communicating badly and then acting smug when you're misunderstood is not cleverness." -Randall Munroe "Use somebody else than me to push your political agendas, please." -Linus Torvalds "Stand down, you two. Your jihad can be fun and... yours can be miserable." -Darwyn al-Sayeed {Sleeper Cell: American Terror} "By the time we've finished with him, he won't know whether he's Number Six or the cube root of infinity." -Number 2 {The Prisoner} "You have enemies? Good. That means you've stood up for something, sometime in your life." -Winston Churchill "[Humans] are erratic, conflicted, disorganized. Every decision is debated, every action questioned, every individual entitled to their own small opinion. You lack harmony, cohesion, greatness. It will be your undoing." -Seven of Nine, Tertiary Adjunct of Unimatrix 01 {ST:Voyager} "I hope now I have laid to rest one of the most remarkable phenomena ever imagined by man." -Jean-Baptiste Biot "I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ." -Mahatma Gandhi "Let's go to bed. I'm tired of this day; I need a new one." -Evelyn Ryan {The Prize Winner of Defiance, Ohio} "Well, I always say why waste space on an article when you can put in something with a little more zest? I mean, after all, 'the' and 'antidisestablishmentarianism' are both one word, but which one packs the bigger punch?" -Evelyn Ryan {The Prize Winner of Defiance, Ohio} "Death by Jell-o is highly unlikely." -Evelyn Ryan {The Prize Winner of Defiance, Ohio} "Gosh, I look at a strong female character like Lara Croft, and I think, 'put some pants on, you hussy!'" -Kristin Holt {Cheat!} "This is not the first time that Europe has been passive while a Jew- hating tyrant with a weird-looking mustache killed the people by giving them gas. Obviously I'm talking about Chef Boyardee." -Sarah Silverman "Beware of he who denies you access to information, for in his heart he dreams himself your master." -A. Kes: "Neelix and Tom Paris had a physical fight... over me." Doctor: "How delightful." Kes: "Delightful?!" Doctor: "You should consider it a high compliment. Throughout history men have fought over the love of a woman. Why, I can quote you autopsy reports from as far back as 1538." Kes: "That's not funny!" Doctor: "It's not meant to be. You've always been interested in autopsies." -Kes & The Doctor {ST:Voyager} "A lot of people think that Microsoft is an abusive software company. However, the facts seem to fit the theory that Microsoft is an abuse company that sells software." -Michael Jennings "Oh, yes... that was awkward, wasn't it? You decapitate a loved one, you don't expect them to come visiting." -Wesley Wyndam-Price {Angel} "Just because we've tried to kill or corrupt each and every one of you at one time or another doesn't mean we can't be trusted." -Lilah Morgan {Angel} "Seven puppies were harmed during the making of this post." -Dunbal "If you're going to have a shooter where you kill people, you might as well be killing Nazis." -Eric Kibbee "Nation, it's time to grab the bull by the horns. If there are no horns, you're grabbing a cow. Stop it!" -Stephen Colbert "All the Windows security problems are caused by the computers these companies build to run it. I mean, Windows is perfectly secure so long as it sits in its box there on the shelf. If these darn companies would just stop installing it on computers, there would be no problem." -stocke2 "I'm sorry you had to see that, but it is awesome that I was able to kill him in front of you." -"Patrick Swayze" {Squidbillies} "Reality has become a commodity." -Stephen Colbert "We are selfish, base animals crawling across the earth. Because we got brains, we try real hard, we can occasionally aspire to something that is less than pure evil." -Dr. Gregory House {House, M.D.} "What part of having read 'Atlas Shrugged' don't you understand? Being an asshole for at least a month afterward is a prerequisite." -kypper "You'd be surprised what innovative munitions can be created by one immortal being who's set his mind on killing another." -Q {ST:Voyager} "I also learned that if you open your heart and help people... they're going to eventually try to stab you to death... and that's sad." -Sarah Silverman "What follows is a discussion of semantics. That doesn't make it unimportant. If you plan to dedicate your life to God, just to pick one example, it would be nice to know what God is. Arguments don't mean anything unless you first agree on the definitions. Semantics matter." -Scott Adams "You are coming to a sad realization. Cancel or allow?" -"Vista Security" "In the old days, if your sketch didn't make it on the air, they used to send you downstairs naked to sell lemon drinks - shrouded only in your failure - and you'd have to explain to the patrons why you weren't good enough." -Andy Mackinaw {Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip} "You're free to scan my personal web site if you want. However, I'm afraid that all you'd find is pictures of my cats. It is true that they are nude, but kitty porn is not illegal in Arizona." -Joel Snyder "I am looking for Mr. Neelix's instinct. Perhaps it will be marked." -Lt. Tuvok {ST:Voyager} "Since there are so many activities that can take place in this room, here's what we're gonna do. We're gonna drink first, then we'll go play foosball, and then I'll kill you." -Doug Wilson {Moving Up} Danny: "That never happened while I was taking care of it." Jordan: "What did you do to it?!" Danny: "I'll tell you what I did to it, okay. That baby was in an accident, as babies sometimes are, and I rushed it immediately to a doctor of some sort." Jordan: "What kind of accident?" Danny: "A freak accident." Jordan: "What kind of freak accident?" Danny: "It was decapitated in an eighteenth-century French guillotine." -Danny Tripp & Jordan McDeere {Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip} "But my favorite part of the story is that [Tim] Hardaway apparently never noticed that he's African-American. Or maybe he never realized that enthusiastically promoting bigotry isn't a good idea if you're a member of a persecuted minority. Either way, it's not the sort of thing that gets you into Mensa." -Scott Adams "Are you really willing to trust the government workers with the power to end someone's life? What is the government good at? Healthcare? Levees? Fuck! I don't even trust them to send a letter to my sister; I use email. Now if Google were in charge of the death penalty, I might consider it. The Google kids don't seem to fuck up much." -Penn Jillette {Penn & Teller: Bullshit!} do() || do_not(); // try(); 0x2b || !0x2b "Good night, Dougie. I hope you die in your sleep tonight. Nah, I'm just kidding; but if it had to be one of us, I hope it's you." -Sarah Silverman Janeway: "I think we need to define some parameters... about us." Chakotay: "I'm not sure I can define 'parameters,' but I can tell you a story, an ancient legend among my people." Chakotay: "It's about an angry warrior who lived his life in conflict with the rest of his tribe, a man who couldn't find peace even with the help of his spirit guide. For years he struggled with his discontent, but the only satisfaction he ever got when he was in battle. This made him a hero among his tribe, but the warrior still longed for peace within himself. One day he and his war party were captured by a neighbouring tribe, led by a woman warrior. She called on him to join her because her tribe was too small and weak to defend itself from all its enemies. The woman warrior was brave and beautiful, and very wise. The angry warrior swore to himself he would stay by her side, doing whatever he could to make their burden lighter; her needs would come first, and in that way the warrior began to know the true meaning of peace." Janeway: "Is that really an ancient legend?" Chakotay: "No, but that made it easier to say." -Capt. Kathryn Janeway & Cmdr. Chakotay {ST:Voyager} "If it wasn't for [my mother], in four states, it would still be legal to kill a man with a cappuccino machine." -Christopher Titus "Resentment is a human trait. It has no structure, no function. I want no part of it." -Seven of Nine {ST:Voyager} "Notably, SCO's response to IBM's statement of undisputed facts is largely a frolic and detour into the irrelevant, plainly designed to give the false impression of a fact dispute." -IBM's Reply Memorandum in Further Support of its Motion for Summary Judgment on its Claim for Declaratory Judgment of Non-Infringement with respect to its Linux Activities