"A 'critic' is a man who creates nothing and thereby feels qualified to
judge the work of creative men. There is logic in this; he is unbiased -- 
he hates all creative people equally."
-R. Heinlein

"No, it's just that we are better, more subtle vampires than you. I'm 
7000 goddamn years old and WILL report you to the vampire high council 
for exposing your dark side to all these mortals. Your teeth are falling 
off, too. Shame on you."
-Charlotte Ashley (Leanan Sidhe)

"Your inner darkness?  Does it get along well with your inner child?"
-Hardrock Llewynyth

"I don't think Rozz was exactly supporting any Nazi or Fascist ideals. It 
didn't seem a little kooky that a bisexual in army fatigues and a Mickey 
Mouse tie was singing I'm Not in Love wrapped in a Nazi flag while David 
E. Williams plays backup?"
-Christopher Boetticher

"What was the best thing BEFORE sliced bread?"
-Aidan Skinner

"Last night, I asked my sister what she was going to dress up as for 
Halloween (she's only 13). She looked at me point blank and said, 'You.'"
-Amy B. Wedell (MeeM)

"On the surface, you make some good points about technology... but your 
e-mail address reveals your newbie identity. You're probably a goat 
herder or a cartoonist." 
-Dilbert

"586... the number of the Beast."
-Rose Marshack

"When Lacrima saw the old folks home on fire, not a pause, nor a sigh, 
nor a wink, nor a thought for self-preservation blinked through her mind. 
No, she jumped right in, with both tits flying behind her like conical 
winged Cherubs of Mercy, soft dirtypillow defenders of life, the swords of
vengence now smote by the twin Nipples of Compassion...."
-Bradley W. Zimmerman

"Don't try to outweird me, three-eyes. I get stranger things than you free 
with my breakfast cereal." 
-Zaphod Beeblebrox 

"BTW, being a troll has nothing to do with being gothic, but a lot to do
with cream cheese."
-Jennifer Knipper (oddlystrange)

"Um... OK... I admit I once attempted to use something other than T**let 
D*ck to attain the same level of sparkley-clean disinfectedness to which 
I have become addicted... I mean 'accustomed'...but it wasn't the same!!! 
And I'm soooo sorry!!! I've seen the error of my ways...and I'll _never_ 
do it again!!! *falls to bathroom floor, sobbing*"
-Virginia Williams

"I hate you cynics that want to stand in the way of true love. Ordinarily, 
I would tell you to drop dead, but you might misinterpret that as a pick-up 
line." 
-Joseph Scutero

"Using the feather is erotic, the whole chicken is a little kinky,
perverted is if the chicken's still alive, and twisted is when you use
boneless chicken breasts."
-HES Duffy (Darkstar)

"But if he was talking about a Burrito, that would make him goth beyond
goth!!! You should learn German just to figure out if your theory is true
or not."
-Leonora (Mistress of All Evil, The KittenLady, etc.)

"Dykes rule! I think I'll start a fan club where we'll just follow a group
of lesbians (who will achieve cult status) around the world. We'll sustain
ourselves by selling t-shirts and stuff, until they finally decide to kick
our collective asses and make us leave them alone."
-Tarik Dozier

"UNIX is an operating system, OS/2 is half an operating system, Windows 
is a shell, and DOS is a boot partition virus."
-Peter H. Coffin

"I don't know about 'loser' but I only got into the whole 'goth' thing
after seeing Marilyn Manson. He is sooo much more goth than Andrew
Eldritch.  He's the god of fuck, you know."
-John O'Reilly (zoe)

"You hang out on alt.sex.necrophilia, eh?  Well, that WOULD explain why
you support Bob Dole."
-Zepp

"A cross-posted flamewar between alt.vampyres and alt.gothic.guns.guns.guns 
is not my idea of 'fun ways to waste time when I should be programming!'"
-Dragoness Eclectic

"How many goths does it take to change a lightbulb? Two, one to do it, 
the other to bitch about how Andrew Eldritch could have done it better."
-Anon

"In Your Own Case,
           however,
                U've Exhibited a Distinct Lack of Grasping,
                    &
                     I would B Rather Surprised
                         were U 2 Actually Recognize a Great Thought,
                                            Even were Thine Ass By It Bitten."
-A.Dominy-Cusraque

"Try to explain everything, try to get rid of us, just because YOU CAN'T 
HANDLE THE TRUTH! Neither can we, but at least we don't run... coward."
-dg

"I'm never going to understand people (but then again, I'm probably not
missing much either)."
-Andrew W. Greenwood

"If we could just get everyone to close their eyes and visualize world 
peace for an hour, imagine how serene and quiet it would be until the 
looting started."
-A.

"Destruction is not negative; you must destroy to build."
-Einsturzende Neubauten

"If this were a perfect world, God would have put pizzas on trees instead
of apples. Next time, we'll get it right."
-Lord Drakon

"If liberty means anything at all, it means the right to tell people what 
they do not want to hear."
-George Orwell

"The truth is free, availible to everyone. Lies are custom-crafted, often 
by experts. Lies are more valuable than truth."
-Peter Coffin

"Don't live by books written by people who thought the world flat."
-A. Dominy-Cusraque

"Don't mistake hype for horror, kids. Recognize Marilyn Manson for what he 
truly is: a deranged little monkey in a tutu who wants to be the devil. He 
should try going into politics-- there's a lot more scary people there."
-Joshua Ellis (Gabriel)

"Net.Goths don't say 'meow.' Net.Goths say 'quack.'"
-Tarik Dozier

"Isn't 'homopobic idiots' a tad redundant? Think of how much typing you 
could have saved."
-Rick Taylor

"Spammers ususally aren't smart enough to direct anything to anyone 
PERSONALLY. Hell, these people can't even edit subject headers. We're 
not talking about a cross section of the population who have Mensa cards 
in their pockets."
-William Isenhour (TSM)

"Tacos. That's the moral of the story. You had to be there. Trust me."
-Laudanum

"Don't hate me because I'm beautiful; hate me because I'm more beautiful
than you'll ever be." 
-Osiris Evan Childress, Clan Toreador

"alt.gothic: It's like talking to a few hundred of your weird friends in 
a very LOUD coffeeshop." 
-William Isenhour (TSM)

"I have your underwear. If you want to see it again, leave a hundred 
dollars in small, unmarked bills, a pack of cloves, and a bottle of red 
wine, in locker 23 at the address given..."
-Victoria E. Lease

"Funny now, but when we send you piccies of your undies, handcuffed to
a bed, hungry and bleeding, you will scream in torment!@##!@ You will
beg me to return them to you, where they can be safe and secure!@#$!@
If you do not comply, I'll send them to you, piece at a time!@#$$! Do
you hear me?@#$?!?#?$? *twitch*"
-Tori Lease

"Just one question remains... what is a screw of goths? Larger than a mope
of goths, but smaller than a gaggle."
-Jim Fron (nightshade)

"A screw of goths is half mope, half group (or gaggle) synonymous with a 
'grope' of goths, only later in the evening."
-Jim Fron (nightshade)

"You don't sound very happy. Happiness is mandatory. Failure to be happy
is treason. Treason is punishable by summary execution. Have a nice day."
-Brandon Kern (Lovecraft)

"What's the world for if you can't make it up the way you want it?"
-Charlotte Ashley (Leanan Sidhe)

"This is what happens when you listen to too much Electric Hellfire Club... 
you wake up in the middle of the night with hamster corpses strewn about the
room, your desk on fire, a pentacle (left hand) drawn on the floor in Pixy 
Stix, and a dozen Barbie dolls hang from your ceiling fan, rustling slowly 
as the blades turn!@#$$!@# Um, not that this has even happened to me."
-Tori Lease

"I'm building a shrine to myself. It's an homage to how great I am. I'm sick 
of idolizing other people. Actors... musicians... artists... athletes... 
they're just people-like me. That's why I'm going to be own number one fan! 
I'm going to start selling products of myself. I'm writing a screenplay 
about me. I've started a fan club for myself. I'm the president. Wanna join? 
It costs five dollars. You get a membership card!" 
-Too Much Coffee Man

"Congratulations! Your display has been certified as an off-site repository
for the contents of my .signature file."
-Peter H. Coffin

"So... it looks like the ideal gothic evening would consist of hanging 
around one of those net-cafes, listening to goth, watching 'The Empire 
Strikes Back,' drinking a mocha cappucino with a black olive garnish and 
having sex with some sort of animal."
-Rick Taylor {exile}

"Don't forget to end the evening off by inflicting great pain upon your
worst enemy (or enemies..the more the merrier!)...followed by more of the
previous activity as a sort of vengence celebration...followed by the
infliction of more pain upon.... followed by.... Hey!..the ideal gothic
evening is one that never ends!...an infinite loop of pure ecstacy!"
-William Evans (Rat Bastard, Feline Overlord of Darkness)

"See kids, I wasn't always the barrell of psychotica you see before you...
but I had a nice shirt back then...."
-Bradley Zimmerman (The Raphat)

"I started out with nothing. I still have most of it left."
-Tripp

"Out of curiousity, though, what exactly is this post doing on alt.gothic? 
I mean, if it were a question like 'd00d! caN U r34LLy maK3 spe3d oUT Of 
STRYCHNINE?!? ey3 heRD it maKs uR I'S bl33d though!' I could understand it, 
but cannabis?"
-Ben Lincoln

"'Normality' is a standard defined by the majority of a certain cultural
habitat. Since I don't give a damn about the majority of the people where 
I live, I claim the right to define normality."
-Raistlin Majere

"First you have to pass my Freak Exam(tm)... here's a ballpoint pen, 50'
of rubber hose, a can of SPAM, and a stuffed cow... now do something
creative with all of these components... and you'd better impress me!"
-William Evans (Overlord of Darkness)

"I don't *necessarily* worship Satan becasue I wear black. The blood on 
my hands is *not* from anyone you know."
-Charlotte Ashley (Leanan Sidhe)

"Captain, I believe that I speak for the entire crew when I say, 'To Hell 
with our orders.'"
-Lt. Commander Data {ST:First Contact}

"First thing you have to do when you get on alt.gothic is to sacrifice 
something near and dear to you, mainly a pair of your socks or underwear, 
to the T**let D*ck and clean your toilet so that it is nice and sparkly 
clean, then make up a poem about the entire proceedings, making sure to 
cite his Almight D*ckness again and again. Then post it."
-Elly Burian (eloquence)

"There were others before you but we *ate* them as soon as they got big 
enough!"
-Branwyn Folsom's (StrangeGirl) mother

"Ironic isn't it, Smithers? This anonymous clan of slack-jawed troglodytes 
has cost me the election. And yet, if I were to have them killed, I would 
be the one to go to jail. That's democracy for you."
-Charles Montgomery Burns (The Simpsons)

"GOTHIC is a 15-year old boy wearing a black skirt sitting on the floor in 
the corner of his room picking his pierced nose with a painted fingernail, 
realizing that he is the only person on the planet who is sensitive and 
brilliant enough to fully comprehend the lyric, 'Hey, now, hey, now, now, 
sing this corrosion to me.'"
-Comet

"I think that saying that the state of affairs in Chicago sucked is a little 
extreme.  Now if you were living in a place like the Metro-Detroit area, 
where goths have to beg to hear even overplayed stuff like 'peek-a-boo in 
the temple of love where Bela died,' and are then mocked and scorned by the 
electro-industrial fans, then you could say that the state of affairs sucked.
But you don't, so don't exaggerate."
-Douglas

"Once again your keen sense of the obvious astounds me. Not only that but
you have a writing style and logical thinking style which just grab me and
make me think you must me the most assinine twit on the planet."
-Jennifer Knipper (oddlystrange)

"I'm not bouncing, the caffeine has excited my resonant frequency."
-Jim Fron (Nightshade)

"And to have a child listen to Barney's campfire songs instead of decent 
music like Bauhaus, should be a reason to rot in hell dancing the Macarena 
for eternity."
-Juniper

"I'm far too exquisite to be paying so much attention to confusion."
-Hothead Paisan

"Were I one of those shallow, plastic people of whom you obviously have 
so much hard-earned knowledge (for we all know how much work reading 
alt.gothic involves), I would probably tell you to shove your pretentious
condescension up your pasty white ass and killfile you."
-Ronald M. Carrier

"I don't want to gain immortality through my works, I just want to live 
forever."
-Carl Hume

"Would anybody happen to have a Virgin Sacrificing Altar around? I need it 
to be unholy - (many people 'horrifically' killed on it) and I am having 
a Sacrificial Ceremony on December 30th. I am willing to pay 30-60 dollars 
for a Black Altar covered with blood which is unholy."
-Murgorath Ultimatum

"Could you please define 'horrifically' a little more specifically? I MAY
be able to obtain a classic, pre-owned, 'cherry' Virgin Sacrificing Altar, 
however I'm not sure whether the killings qualify as 'horriffic.' The one 
elderly owner used it only for services on Sunday, and all the virgins 
were killed either by tickling, by over-consuming Gummi bears, or by being 
forced to listen to 'Father Abraham in Smurfland' on an auto-reverse 
cassette deck."
-Comet

"If I had a good quote, it would be here."
-Chris Salter

"This is the part where I say something clever.  Damn."
-Charlotte Ashley (Leanan Sidhe)

"Gothic Networking? Is that turning up to Uni to find all the sys-ops 
wearing black?"
-Chris McMullen

"Logic, my dear Zoe, merely enables one to be wrong with authority."
-Doctor Who

"Actually, the epitome of goth is caoihmin wearing a puffy shirt with slashed
cuffs, a black vest, black jeans, black silver-buckled boots, and mirrored
shades leaning up against the Floodland poster smoking a clove while Bauhaus
is on the stereo and asking 'What's a goth?'" 
-Matthew McKeon

"I don't have a solution but I admire the problem."
-Hannah Pettifer

"We all enter this world in the same way: naked, screaming, and soaked
in blood. But if you live your life right, that kind of thing doesn't
have to stop there."
-Dana Gould

"If I love you, what business is it of yours?"
-Goethe

"Solaris would rock a lot if it was under GPL. Not that I'd modify it, 
but cool people would." 
-Dvorak

"I'm not like them, but I can pretend."
-Matt McDowall

"And people say that you can't get close to other people over the Internet.
Well, I tell ya. The day that a person feels completely comfortable telling
a newsgroup of some 50,000 people the world over about their underwear, or
how they don't wear underwear, then this is a place for friends."
-Laudanum

"Well, Inga... you have the obsessive-compulsiveness down, but apparently 
you lack the conviction for it."
-Tarik Dozier

"Auntie Em, Hate you. Hate Kansas. Taking Dog." 
-Dorothy Gale

"In these times of ever increasing gun violence, it seems that the only 
logical solution is to create a race of bullet-proof humans."
-A.

"This has been a free clue. Don't waste it."
-Christabel LaMotte

"If you've got to be dead in the national press, being so with a stuffed 
bunny has got a *lot* of cool points..."
-Peter Caffin

" is .sig has been modified. It has been reformatted to fit your scre "
-Steve Pridgeon

"This error message is vague on purpose to help reduce help improve
security at the inconvience of administrators and users." 
-qpopper 2.1.4-r

"I don't believe in answers anymore than I believe in truths or reality."
-Kimberly Gallup (Medea)

"No, alt.binaries.gothic is for my '$$$ MAKE MONEY QUICK--ONLY VERY MILDY
ILLEGAL, HARDLY ILLEGAL AT ALL REALLY $$$' posts and 'HOT HORNY CHICKS
WANT TO TALK TO UNWASHED LOSERS LIKE *YOU*--WE LOVE THEM!' posts."
-Little o

"Hmm... judging from the this message, I have to wonder if I remembered
to take my medication... Oops, guess not.  Now should I play 'sane' and
cancel this or ...  who am I kidding?"
-Dave Noelle (Xebinon, the Grey Wanderer)

"You read this far? What's wrong with you, boy? You don't need some fancy
California smart-ass tellin' you about the Recent Unpleasantness Between
the States. I never should'a let your Mama marry that Yankee. Now get on
back to your room an' read those poems of Mister Poe's y'all need to talk
about in school tomorro'."
-David Gartrell

"We can start our own division of WWF... 'In this corner, weighing in at 
125 lbs, in some very impractical boots... Lady Bathory! <crowd roar>'"
"LLLLLLLLLLet's get ready to stum-ble..."
-Lady Bathory & Ronald M. Carrier

"Well, when I was on tour, we did play a titty bar...the marquee listed
our opener as 'Wild Female Oil Wrestling.' I felt a tad one-upped!"
-Lady Bathory

"Actually, the REAL purpose of [alt.gothic] is to win new converts to 
D*ckentology. Send your immortal soul, and all your money, to this address..."
-Christabel La Motte

"The mundane world is too complicated, and ghosts are easier to get along
with than men."
-Swordsman Yen, "Chinese Ghost Story"

"In France they have two Santas. Pere Noel (Father Christmas) and Pere
Fouetard (Father whip). Pere Fouetard is skinny, wears long black robes,
has a grey beard and delivered switches to the parents of bad children
so they can beat them, now HE'S goth."
-Dead Little Joey

"All right, kids, fess up. Who's been pretending to be nice? You KNOW 
you're not supposed to play mind games with the specimens, it fucks up 
the experimental protocols! We're going to have to throw out the results 
and start from SCRATCH! And just WHERE do you expect to find another test 
subject with a suitably small brain on short notice, will you answer me 
that? HAVE YOU NO RESPECT FOR SCIENCE? Bad goths, no cloves for you!"
-Christabel "dammit, this is TSM's job!" La Motte

"No offense, I., but one of the things that amuses me the most about this 
newsgroup is the fact that what began as a fairly amusing sarcastic mockery 
of Andrew Eldritch's ego ('Eldritch is god!') has been taken by many people 
quite seriously ('No, I mean he _really_is_ god!!')."
-Matthew M. Mckeon

"Some idiots just don't even deserve to be stewed in their own blood.
Whatever THAT means."
-Mike Jourard

"Indulgence of one's wrestling fetish with myself as an adversary can be
purchased for a mere $150 per hour, with a possible fee waiver if you have 
an exceptionally silly hat on."
-Lady Bathory

"Trim your posts or we'll club this baby seal!"
-Christabel La Motte

"As a Seattlegoth(tm), a Manlygoth(tm), and the only goth bold enough 
to use flannel as a fashion statement at Convergence I (not to mention 
frequently otherwise), I resent the implication... my GothCard (it's
everywhere you want to skulk) has a 'Member Since 1978' on it."
-Al Golagnia

"I got the power to decide who lives and dies *last* Christmas. It isn't 
as much fun as the ads make it out to be."
-Scott Fulks (Lord Drakon)

"The Internet reveals what people are unwilling to say to themselves."
-Goat

"Didn't you know? Led Zepplin is the ORIGINAL GOTH BAND! (yes, I'm shouting!) 
Even before the Beatles were Goth. So there. I mean, just look at the name; 
it's so big, and dark, and heavy!"
-Mike Jourard

"...but upon seeing that particular bit of fumble-fingered typing, I was 
suddenly struck with the image of me being backed into a dark alley by a 
group of shadowy goths wielding convulsing 'Tickle Me Elmo' dolls."
-Christabel La Motte

"Life is unfair, but knowing the root password helps." 
-BOFH